Cuckoo over Coconut Oil?

By: Michael Coté

Natural health remedies fascinate me. I am always reading articles about Mother Nature’s cure alls.  In recent months, coconut oil has been stealing the headlines. The stuff has been touted as a super food and can help the body look younger, feel younger and may cure a number of maladies affecting everything from your gums to your circulatory system. I must admit that I was intrigued with this stuff, so I went to the organic aisle of my grocery store and purchased a big jar of the white goo.

The first coconut oil regimen I took on was oil pulling.  For those not into the natural remedy world, oil pulling involves shoving a teaspoon of oil in your mouth and swishing it around for twenty minutes.  Sounds easy? Well, think again. The directions for oil pulling specifically say that under no circumstances are you to swallow the oil once swishing is initiated as the oil pulls toxins from your body, and if you swallow it, you swallow the toxins.  So, what occurs is that the oil and your spit form a sort of rubber cement ball that just keeps growing. For me, the oil pulling process lasted about two weeks.  I could not get used to the feeling of the ever growing goop in my mouth.

I didn’t care that it was supposed to save my gums, teeth and heart; I jumped ship. Swishing oil and saliva together is not a pleasant experience, and if you have an overly sensitive gag reflex like me (and men don’t go all porn on that statement as I know you already are), the oil pulling process amounts to one dry heave after another.  One very important note if you decide to try this health practice, don’t spit the oil into the sink. It will harden in your drain, and then you will have to explain to the plumber the entire process including the gagging, and it can get sort of embarrassing. Use a napkin to catch the discarded spit/oil combo.

You know, I just read this entire paragraph back to myself and maybe it’s me, but I bet if I re-worked a few sentences, I could sell this post to some skin rag for its true story section and make a few bucks. Hey, Christmas is coming—a few bucks wouldn’t hurt.

Okay, on to my second coconut oil health regimen. Experts say coconut oil makes a great hair gel and body lotion.  I can see how this would be true.  The oil is supposed to decrease frizz, soften skin and get rid of pigment discolorations as well.  I jumped into this one without hesitation. At night, I started to comb a teeny bit through my hair, and I moisturized my face and hands with it too.  My husband said it was like sleeping with a piña colada.  My dogs fought over who got to sleep next to me.  This was okay until I woke up in the middle of the night and found them drooling over my face. I think they thought I was some kind of doggie treat or new food.  Anyway, I got a tad unnerved and changed my coconut oil moisturizing routine to the morning right after I shower.

Do I care that as I stand in the grocery line, I hear people sniffing and saying “Is someone baking coconut custard pie?”  Or “I smell a lot of suntan lotion.”  Or “Someone’s tacky car air freshener is working overtime.”

I just laugh and pretend I don’t reek of coconut, and I don’t know where the smell is coming from.  I will give the coconut oil moisturizer a few weeks to see how it goes. If I don’t notice a change in the softness of my skin, I will kiss this natural remedy goodbye too and go back to the “real” skin treatments.  I hate to be a quitter, but it would be nice to sleep soundly in my bed again without worrying that my dogs will devour me if they get a hunger pang. Peace of mind sometimes trumps soft skin.


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9 thoughts on “Cuckoo over Coconut Oil?”

  1. Funny post Donna, however I do have a [not so] serious question? Does swishing a dark chocolate coconut Mounds bar count as a daily health regime? 😀

  2. I love the smell of coconut and I even bought some coconut oil. I have never, however, heard of “oil pulling” though and, like you, I’d have been gagging. Unlike you, I would have given up the first day. I don’t like using coconut oil for EVERYTHING, because coconut oil gives everything a coconut flavor. I would put it on my skin and even in my hair, but knowing me, I’d use too much and somebody might try to crack me open with a hammer.

  3. My sister-in-law used to have hip length blue-black hair. The prettiest hair I’ve ever seen. Every night, she’d rub coconut oil into the ends, then brush. I’ll tell you, that stuff works!

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