Fifty Shades of Grey and Hallmark? | HumorOutcasts

Fifty Shades of Grey and Hallmark?

July 25, 2014

The trailer for Fifty Shades of Grey is out, and the film will hit theaters on Valentine’s Day of 2015. Because I have nothing better to greydo, I have been thinking of fun ways to promote this long-awaited movie. I thought Jared Jewelers might want in and market a brand of diamond studded handcuffs or perhaps Hallmark can partner with the filmmakers and offer a line of  Fifty Shades of Grey  “love” cards to celebrate both the picture’s release and the most romantic day of the year.  I really like the card idea as the messages could be simple and genuine, and they would fit into every kinky person’s personal budget.  Here are some suggestions and for the record, I have no pride; I will take money for my ideas.



With whips and chains you stole my heart

Now from you I cannot part


Bondage and cuffs are my thing

No need to get me a Diamond Ring


Fifty Shades of Grey will fuel the flames

When our romance is based on weird sex games


You’re the master and I’m the slave

There’s no part of me I will not shave

And finally:

A little bit of  pain makes me  wail

But with a few safe words, no one goes to jail.


well, you get the idea…




Donna Cavanagh

Donna Cavanagh is founder of (HO) and the partner publishing company, HumorOutcasts Press which now includes the labels Shorehouse Books and Corner Office Books ( As "den mother" to the more than 100 aspiring and accomplished writers, producers, comics and authors, Cavanagh's goal is to allow creativity to flow. She is a former journalist who made an unscheduled stop into humor more than 20 years ago. Her syndicated columns helped her gain a national audience when her work landed in the pages of First Magazine and USA Today. She teaches the how-to lessons of humor and publishing at conferences and workshops throughout the country including The Philadelphia Writers' Conference and Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. The author of four humor books, Cavanagh hopes her latest book, How to Write and Share Humor: Techniques to Tickle Funny Bones and Win Fans, will encourage writers not only to embrace their humor talents but show them off as well.

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22 Responses to Fifty Shades of Grey and Hallmark?

  1. July 28, 2014 at 8:55 am

    Have you ever noticed that car washes sell great cards? These would make perfect car wash cards.

    • July 28, 2014 at 9:42 am

      You are so wise Mary! They do have great cards!

  2. Bill Y Ledden
    July 27, 2014 at 3:59 am

    Jill Y is fond of drinking tea. Can we have “Fiddy Shades of Earl Grey”?

    • July 28, 2014 at 9:43 am

      Another great marketing idea, Bill Y !

  3. July 26, 2014 at 7:23 pm

    “Tie one, get one free” for your local supermarket card aisle promo?

    Or for Home Depot, “rubber hose is my thing, buy two feet and we’ll have a fling!”

    • July 28, 2014 at 9:43 am

      I see you gave this so much thought E.V.! HA HA!

  4. Kathy Minicozzi
    July 25, 2014 at 5:27 pm

    Well, if Hallmark won’t bite, you can always go to Staples, buy some blank cards, print your own and sell them on the Black Market.

    • July 25, 2014 at 5:37 pm

      It loses the fun if someone like Hallmark doesn’t bite!

      • Kathy Minicozzi
        July 25, 2014 at 5:41 pm


  5. July 25, 2014 at 5:02 pm

    Hey let’s flurt. I promise to make it hurt! That’s my WalMart version of the cards.

    • July 25, 2014 at 5:37 pm

      Hey, Walmart needs to be represented!

  6. July 25, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    “You tied me with rope.
    “Your love I can hope.”

    • July 25, 2014 at 5:38 pm

      I see you have given this lots of thoughts Dr. De Lancey!

  7. July 25, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    “Diamond-studded brushes are forever.” – DeBeers

  8. July 25, 2014 at 10:55 am

    Thanks for a great post that is probably even better than the book!

    • July 25, 2014 at 12:49 pm

      Thanks Suzette! Maybe we should write a better version?

  9. Deb Martin-Webster
    July 25, 2014 at 9:42 am

    Like John Cougar Mellencamp says, Come on baby make it hurt so good! Funny post!

  10. July 25, 2014 at 9:07 am

    I never read the book, but I think you summed it up nicely, at least according to the comments I’ve heard about it. Good luck with your card ideas – I’ll bet if you rented a card rack, you could sell them outside theaters everywhere 😉

  11. July 25, 2014 at 8:20 am

    Loved your ideas for Shady cards. Great post!

    • July 25, 2014 at 8:29 am

      Thank Pattie! I thought it was a golden marketing idea but we shall see. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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