Great Places to Meet That Special Someone! | HumorOutcasts

Great Places to Meet That Special Someone!

November 29, 2014
By

Finding your soulmate is part luck and part hard work. Your perfect match will end up getting married to someone else unless you take steps to be in the right place at the right time.

But so many “hot” places to meet members of the opposite sex are crowded and sweaty, which can make your mascara run if you’re a woman or make your body odor worse if you’re a man. Your Dating Advisor surveyed singles scenes across the country to discover out-of-the-way places where your chances of meeting Mr. or Ms. Right are much better than your basement or a grungy bar.


Get down!

 

Great Places for Women to Meet Men:

Prison: Despite efforts by gender equality advocates to make sure both sexes enjoy the benefits and endure the burdens of society equally, the fact is that there are many more men in prison than women. “Men are always getting into trouble, women keep their mouths shut when the teacher’s looking,” says Oliver Porter, a professor of behavioral psychology at the University of Indiana-Terre Haute. “A woman who stands at a prison gate and does nothing more than bat her eyelashes will meet more eligible men than a D-cup bimbo on wet t-shirt night.”

Chain gangs: Say what you will about overexposure to the sun, the men you’ll meet on a chain gang get plenty of fresh air and exercise, and have the muscles to show for it. Many “high maintenance chicks” in BMW’s and other luxury sedans drive right by handsome hunks with hammers in their hands.

Prize fights: The only women at a boxing match are the round card girls and the women manning (womanning?) the beer taps. Knock yourself out!

Great Places for Men to Meet Women:

Convents: Despite what you may have read about nuns being “married to the Church,” many–like my sixth-grade nun, Sister Gabriella Marie–are willing to dump a 2,000 year-old institution if the right guy happens to come along.

Garbage dumps: With cutbacks in municipal services and an increased interest in recycling, more women are taking on the unpleasant task of driving to their local dump to dispose of their garbage. Pick a spot next to the household hazardous waste bin and offer to help a “damsel in distress.”

Boring work events: Surprising as it may seem, many men attend boring work events–department lunches, professional education classes, raging forest fires–because they like to. For example, it’s easy to strike up a conversation in an operating room when you share an interest in cutting-edge prostate surgery techniques with a six-figure surgeon. Just say “Oh my God–that is so gross!”


“I’m getting a caramel macchiato–how about you?”

 

Unisex Meeting Places: I know, talking to someone standing next to you in line is such a cliche, but it works if, like Barney the Purple Dinosaur, you use your imagination. For example, try turning around–“Excuse me, I think the line’s moving that way.” Or let your eyeballs roll back into your head and pretend you’re a zombie-like member of an apocalyptic cult.

If you’re in line for your morning cup of coffee, there may be enough of a resemblance to induce sympathy, or even a smile, from the person you’re hitting on!

Available in Kindle format on amazon.com as part of the collection “Take My Advice–I Wasn’t Using it Anyway.”

Con Chapman

I'm a Boston-area writer, author of The Year of the Gerbil, a history of the 1978 Red Sox-Yankees pennant race, and 50 books of humor including "Scooter & Skipper Blow Things Up!" by HumorOutcasts Press. My work has appeared in The Atlantic, The Christian Science Monitor and The Boston Globe among print outlets. "Rabbit's Blues," my biography of Johnny Hodges, Duke Ellington's long-time alto sax player, will be published by Oxford University Press in September.

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook - Google Plus - YouTube

Share this Post:

2 Responses to Great Places to Meet That Special Someone!

  1. November 30, 2014 at 10:04 am

    These are most excellent tips. Since is dislike fights, is the dog racing track a good bet?

  2. November 30, 2014 at 5:50 am

    You forgot the #1 way: online!!! And here I go piggy-backing on your work to plug my book published by HOPress: “eDating the Old School Way”! Sorry, Con, for trolling your spot in the sun!



User Login

New Release
How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle


New Release
Lite Whines and Laughter: Mild Rants and Musings on the Mundane
By Lee Gaitan and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle



New Release
It Comes From Within: Living with Bipolar Illness
By Michael Solomon. and Shorehouse Books

Available in Paperback and Kindle



Archives