Home Alone in a Quiet Town

Humor Meets Horror Month

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The Gypsy spirit in her felt comfortable no matter were she moved, and this little town appeared to be just the kind of place to offer her some peace. Its low crime rate should prove to offer her solace in her tiny abode, and with her new landlord living less than a mile away, she knew whatever problems arose would be solved soon – she knew where he lived.

He hadn’t finished the backsplash in the kitchen, and, as a result, many of the outlets in the kitchen were unusable. Many of the windows didn’t shut properly, and the doors were in disrepair. She would be patient.

As with all new places, getting used to new sounds might take a while, but she had already prepared herself for such things. What sounds might awaken her tonight, she wondered.

After a long day of unpacking and putting things away, she found herself still surrounded by boxes. Ah, well, they could wait. She needed some sleep.

So she performed her nightly rituals and with clean mouth, freshly washed face, and empty bladder, she climbed into bed – exhausted. But sleep never came easily for her. Though she settled into her new bedroom and rested silently before closing her eyes, she found herself tossing and turning, looking for a comfortable position.

And then she heard a siren. And then young men laughing right outside her house. And then knocking.

Would her landlord send people to her house at 10:20 p.m.? She refused to allow strangers into her home at such a late hour. Home alone, she felt the skin around her tighten so much that it squeezed out perspiration from inside her. Her heart pounded so loudly it nearly drowned out the knocking.

She wanted to get out of bed to look through the peephole, but one of the windows in the living room would completely expose her. It still had no drapes. Even if she crawled across the floor, somebody might see her. Perhaps these young men thought the place was still empty. Maybe they had previously come here to party and were surprised to find the deadbolt locked.

The knocking continued. She prayed, “Please make them go away. Please make them go away. Please make them go away.”

The voices subsided, but the knocking continued. She tried to ignore it and eventually was successful in falling asleep. Nobody broke into her home during the night. But throughout the night, as she would arise to use the bathroom, she discovered that her quiet little town wasn’t so quiet after all. Sirens continued to break the silence.

The following morning she learned that she was the proud owner of a siren-blowing toilet. Approximately one minute after flushing the toilet, sirens blared. A couple of minutes later the water heater would knock loudly and continue to knock for a long period of time.

She never could explain the laughing men though. But she would take care of them if they ever came back. She remembered how Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin) handled creepy crawlers in the movie, Home Alone. She would set traps and as soon as she heard them enter her home, she would flush the toilet to scare them away.