Typically, you can’t go a week without seeing the image on Facebook of an injured animal or deformed baby with the caption “1 like = 1 prayer.” These innocent requests for support for the ill-fated seem harmless, so I do what I can. That girl with the cleft palate needs a prayer for an upper lip transplant? Like. That starving African needs a prayer for lap-band surgery to thwart his hunger pains? Like. Eventually, I became more addicted to the immediate rush of self-gratification than the pleas for help from this freak slide show. Clicking that blue “thumbs up” icon helps me sleep well at night because that poor guy with the dented head was finally getting the holy intervention he probably deserves.
But I’m confused, and I am hoping you can help me. It’s been a while since I’ve set foot in a house of religion, but when did one Facebook like equate to one prayer? Do ministers, preachers, and reverends now require a show of hands from their congregation before accepting a request for holy intervention from the pitiable during service? If I was to request a prayer for my cancer-stricken cat and nobody in the congregation raised their hand because Aunt Mabel told her quilting bee that she heard that I wasn’t attending the church fundraiser that was raising money to send her daughter on a Mission trip to Tajikistan, I guess I would turn to Facebook for prayers, too.
So if one Facebook like now equals one prayer, where is the controversy over this? Prayers nowadays are a very sensitive subject. Why haven’t I heard about court cases being fought to keep “likes” out of schools? Why haven’t Christian protesters yelled that they’re going to “like” me and my gay friends? Why aren’t preachers placing hands on the sick and “liking” them until they are healed? During funerals services, do friends and family “like” the deceased? And does this mean our new national motto is “In Facebook We Trust”? I mean, we ditched “E pluribus unum” in 1957 for “In God We Trust,” so adjusting our slogan to reflect current times doesn’t seem unlikely.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m now at an age where it gets harder to adjust to new trends, but adjust I must do if I want to stay relevant as a writer for the internet, so be sure to share this article if you love Jesus, or ignore it if you want babies to die a slow and painful death from flesh-eating viruses.