Keeping Us All Safe


I try to live free of fear, because fear is the absence of humor (and vice-versa). But you know who really makes me fear for my safety? It’s not an Al Qaeda member or some guy swerving down the road with a bottle of Beam pressed between his thighs. Nope, it’s the amped-up guy in too-tight Dockers who thinks it’s his job to keep the rest of us safe.

In Chicago recently a guy with a concealed-weapon permit entered a wireless store. He witnessed a robbery in progress. So he decided to get involved.

This, incidentally, is why I browse bookstores and not technology stores – to make any money a thief would have to take dozens of hardbacks to have any resale value. That’d take time. So, my chance of being present when an armed citizen-hero springs into action is lessened. That’s not fear, that’s playing the odds.

So the robber blew out of the back of the store with his booty. But several witnesses had alerted a nearby police officer to the crime. The officer saw the thief running from the back of the store and started giving chase. But then he heard a number of gun shots. He had no idea where they were coming from, so he took cover.

Yup, the citizen-hero was standing in the back door of the shop, blasting away just as the officer came around the side of the building. But if he was standing there with a bulge in his pants muttering “Do you feel lucky, punk?” the answer was “yes”. Because the robber got away.

I’ll bet the officer was shouting “Stop shooting! Can you hear me now????”

Despite the best efforts of our Good Guy With A Gun, it all ended well. No one got shot. The thief was later apprehended. He was sporting a mohawk hairdo, which is smart – you always want to be able to blend into a crowd after a robbery. And the guy with the Defender complex got to feel like a big, important man (who’s not facing any charges).

I’ve been jogging to work off my gut. I could see myself passing the Apple store just after a guy matching my description robs it and Dirty Jerry decides to get involved. I think I’ll stick to running in the woods.

Share this Post:

9 thoughts on “Keeping Us All Safe”

  1. On a serious note, I live in a place where all the local residents have licensed guns and rifles and there are 0 murders or mishaps by these people. That’s because nothing will come between them and their free venison.

  2. Amazing that no one got hurt. So the untrained guy with a Cappuccino in one hand and a Glock in the other makes a cop dive for cover, and no charges are filed? Equally amazing.

Comments are closed.