Large Sinkholes, Similar to Those Found in Siberia, Discovered in Local Roadway

A trio of mysterious gaping holes, some up to 330 feet deep, were recently found in northern Siberia. The holes spawned many theories about the craters’ origin, many involving meteorites or aliens, but scientists suggested several different possible explanations. Unfortunately they were buried in lengthy collections of words known as “articles,” and no one has every read long enough into one to be able to relay the contents.

Since the terrifying discovery, there have been multiple reports of similarly perplexing holes in the metropolitan area over the last few days. This has elevated concerns that this might be some worldwide phenomenon that may be spreading.

Local authorities have unfortunately been reluctant to do anything about the mystifying depressions, citing possibly large costs to remedy and asserting that they don’t really seem to be bothering anyone.