The GOP achieved impressive gains in the last election. But there’s still the matter of choosing the Presidential and Vice Presidential contenders for the 2016 election. That’s not going to be easy. But on Monday RNC Chairman Reince Preibus addressed the issue during an appearance on Fox News:
“Well, Chris Christie is one option. He’s lost a lot of weight. And he’s demonstrated his hostility toward investing in the future by cancelling that commuter-rail tunnel under the Hudson. But the Tea Party doesn’t like him. Then there’s Rick Perry. Yes, he’s got the Clark Kent glasses, but he’s no Superman. We’re worried he’ll forget which agency he wants to shut down. And we need him to keep overseeing the executions of mentally ill people.”
Fox host Gretchen Carlson then asked Preibus about Rob Portman, a Senator from Ohio.
“Well, Rob would’ve been great. But he’s told me he wants to spend more time with his family. It’s kinda funny really. One morning prior to a flight his wife couldn’t find her travel neck-pillow. She walked into the bathroom and started screaming. And Rob was like ‘Waddya mean this isn’t a toilet seat cushion?”
“Look, Gretchen, let’s be honest here. The GOP really cares about two things: Protecting the wealth and power of rich people, and guns. The rest is diversionary fluff. So that’s why I’m proposing the ticket of George Zimmerman and Darren Wilson. Zimmerman has proven his protect-the-rich bonafides as a Neighborhood Watch captain in a gated community. And both guys understand the need to protect individual gun ownership, even if that gun screws up your entire life and renders you unemployable. And unlike Rob, these guys have got great name recognition. Everyone knows these guys.
Carlson then asked Preibus which of the two would be the nominee for President.
“Oh, Wilson, obviously. He’s more white.”