Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about the Miami airport, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon. Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
3 women removed from plane and arrested at Miami airport after allegedly refusing to pay extra baggage fee
In fairness, their bags were in Bangkok.
Meghan McCain tears into ex-family friend Lindsey Graham over Disney trip
Meee-oooow. Gotta love a cat fight.
Happy 89th birthday, Warren Beatty
You probably think this joke is about you. Don’t you, don’t you?
Trump’s signature to be on U.S dollar bills
Hmmm, so, Trump is putting his name on US Bills, as opposed to its his usual place … on unpaid bills?
Justin Timberlake and Tiger Woods team up for bar venture, despite past DUI arrests
Next up, Prince Andrew and Matt Gaetz plan on opening up a restaurant chain called Epstein’s Islands.
Marco Rubio claims he forgot he was wearing those Trump shoes
It’s like he has Florsheimers.
Nestle says 12 tonnes of KitKat stolen in Europe
Here’s betting, when they find a gang that stole the same amount of insulin, they’ll have their thieves.
Researchers believe they may have just made an unbelievable underground discovery in Egypt
Or, it’s just another pyramid scheme.
Trump claims ignorance of Lutnick’s Epstein island visit and then says he heard “he was there with his wife and children”
… Probably for the free dental
Huntington Beach woman admits to embezzling nearly $3M from Raman noodle company
… Would’ve gotten away with it if she didn’t contest her hot water bill.
Princess Eugenie and her husband Jack are reportedly “refusing” to let Sarah Ferguson move in with them
Although, it’d be a great reality show, ‘All in the Royal Family.’
Chuck Norris gone at 86
Word is, at Chuck Norris’s death bed, the grim reaper was also found dead with a scythe in his back.
Is it ok to leave butter on the kitchen counter?
… Since Marlon Brando died, yup.
US economy adds 178,000 jobs
Would’ve been 178,001 but, y’know, Pam Bondi …