“Oh man, I’m glad I found you guys. I can’t find anyone to help me in this Home Depot. This place is like a billion square feet and I think they’ve got like two people on the floor. Do you know where they keep the shower curtain rods?
So, lemme guess, you guys are stocking up on stuff to build a bunker, right? This place is perfect for that. They’ve got everything – construction beams, power cords, lighting fixtures. They’ve even got PowerBars and Gatorade up at the register. You could live underground for years while you wait for the government tyranny to descend. Your neighbors would probably be real happy to see you do that.
Wait, aren’t you Gilligan from Gilligan’s Island. I loved that show. Always wondered what happened to you. Oh, that’s not you? My bad. Oh, I get it, you’re those Open Carry guys. Yeah, okay, I get it. Doesn’t it bug you, being so bored that you can’t find anything to do on a weekend except sit in a restaurant and scare families trying to eat in peace? No? Well, that’s cool.
I went to one of your rallies once. I was kinda disappointed, though — I was the only one waving an open beer can. Well, it’s been nice chatting with you, but I gotta go. Oh, hey, if you’re looking for the fertilizer, it’s back there on aisle 213.
Have a good one, guys.”