There Goes The Neighborhood

In my neighborhood, the streets cannot physically accommodate two cars passing each other simultaneously in areas where vehicles are parked outside. So when, in the course of human events, two cars approach each other in such perilous territory… if a smooth transition is to be achieved, one must pull off to the side to let the other go past.

I love this spontaneous exchange of goodwill between brethren of mankind. In fact, I myself often preemptively volunteer to pull off course as I see another delightful citizen of this earth approaching. The desired goal is, of course, to achieve a safe and expedient passage for both of our vehicles and their precious cargo. In some of these transactions, the timing could not be more synchronized. Like a choreographed duet, one slows and pulls to the side while the other steams ahead, with neither being required to alter their original itinerary by more than the slightest fraction. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing denizens of earth express that unique cooperation which has allowed us to flourish as a species and indeed exhibits what truly makes us human.

In the vast majority of these transactions, however, long after I pull off to the side… often to a complete halt… the approaching inhabitant of our fair municipality will then, in kind, choose to do the same, in a grand exchange of benevolence. As much as I appreciate this admirable and reciprocal gesture of altruism, I must then quietly resist dragging them out of their car to beat them to death with my whip antenna while I instead quietly wave and offer a faint yet fraudulent smile as minutes later we eventually pass.

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5 thoughts on “There Goes The Neighborhood”

  1. “You go.” “No, you go.” “Be my guest.” “I insist.” “Go!” “Whattya blind?” “Stupid SOB!” “Frickin’ moron!”

    “Okay, have a nice day!” “You too.”

  2. As much as I do admire your restraint, you are in Texas and I would think there must be a hundred guns within your arm’s reach so next time, just shoot him.

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