It’s Fall, which means America’s most dangerous sporting season is upon us. No, I’m not referring to the NFL, I’m talking about hunting. A bit ago I read an article entitled “The American Hunter Is A Vanishing Breed.” The article bemoaned the fact that states were losing revenue — between 1975 and 2006 the number of American hunters declined from 19 million to 12 million.
That’s a big drop and I think I know why it’s happening. This is purely speculation, but I think those news stories about hunters shooting and killing each other might have something to do with it. Yup, young people are now opting for non life-threatening entertainment, like online-gaming. And speaking of that:
Back in 2005 a guy in Texas set up something called “internet hunting.” You’d log onto a website and view live images of a game farm. Assorted animals roamed a small acreage surrounded by tall fences. You’d track your prey using your arrow-keys and then fire a gun by clicking your mouse.
Then the business owner would turn off his meth-stove, exit his trailer, and walk out to the tethered animal and shoot it. Your “kill” arrived a few days later in the mail. Purportedly, you received the actual animal you “shot.” But you definitely had to check for tire-marks to make sure the business owner didn’t send you something he found next to the highway.
By 2008 most states had banned the practice. Which is unfortunate, because around that time:
A guy was hunting with his friend but they weren’t having much luck. The friend slipped behind a downed tree to take a leak. He spotted a frozen dead squirrel on the ground and grabbed it after finishing his business. Lying behind the tree, out of sight from his friend, he lifted the squirrel onto the tree and made it dance side-to-side on its hind legs
Then his friend fired at the squirrel, blowing off his hunting partner’s hand.
You could still hunt online with one hand. But of course we squashed that, just like we nixed this awesome way to cut the tar intake from a cigarette in half:
Yup, this is how once-great nations fail.