Armani is recalling its long black capes* due to strangulation and whiplash hazards recently discovered.
About 3 (most likely in possession of Batman, Ozzy Osbourne and Zorro)
Long, black, sequined satin cape, with red satin lining. Silk tie at neck that can be described as “tricky.” Measures approximately 15 feet long. Primarily used for celebrity performances and vampire fetishes, as it has no super powers or practical daily use.
Singer Madonna was injured in Europe this week at the Brit Awards after her Armani cape was “tied too tightly” and did not release after being yanked by her dancers onstage. The cape, which had been expected to come off, caused Madonna to fall backwards on set of stairs, and land on her head. She suffered some mild whiplash, but fortunately no concussion. Doctors say no brain was located. Her pride, however, was severely injured.
Consumers are urged to return their capes to Armani stores at their nearest Premium Outlet Mall, or send directly back to the manufacturer. Capes will be replaced with a child’s product that has a Velcro latch at the neck instead of the silk ties, allowing for quick release in case of a performance emergency.
Armani, Premium Outlet Malls
*Should not be confused with Harry Potter’s Cloak of Invisibility, which comes with its own set of problems and recalls.