Armani Recalls Black Performance Cape Due to Whiplash Hazard

Emily Schleiger

Recall Details

Armani is recalling its long black capes* due to strangulation and whiplash hazards recently discovered.

 

Units

About 3 (most likely in possession of Batman, Ozzy Osbourne and Zorro)

 

Description

Long, black, sequined satin cape, with red satin lining. Silk tie at neck that can be described as “tricky.” Measures approximately 15 feet long. Primarily used for celebrity performances and vampire fetishes, as it has no super powers or practical daily use.

 

Incidents/Injuries

Singer Madonna was injured in Europe this week at the Brit Awards after her Armani cape was “tied too tightly” and did not release after being yanked by her dancers onstage. The cape, which had been expected to come off, caused Madonna to fall backwards on set of stairs, and land on her head. She suffered some mild whiplash, but fortunately no concussion. Doctors say no brain was located. Her pride, however, was severely injured.

http://gty.im/3086949

Remedy

Consumers are urged to return their capes to Armani stores at their nearest Premium Outlet Mall, or send directly back to the manufacturer. Capes will be replaced with a child’s product that has a Velcro latch at the neck instead of the silk ties, allowing for quick release in case of a performance emergency.

 

Sold At

Armani, Premium Outlet Malls

 

Manufactured In

China

 

*Should not be confused with Harry Potter’s Cloak of Invisibility, which comes with its own set of problems and recalls.

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8 thoughts on “Armani Recalls Black Performance Cape Due to Whiplash Hazard”

  1. When I was still actively performing all over the world, I had enough trouble just keeping my male colleagues from stepping on my long gown.

    My opinion: If you wear a 15-foot cape tied around your neck on a stage with a bunch of nervous performers under stage lights that are probably half-blinding everyone, you are a strangulation death waiting to happen!

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