Does anybody ever respond to car alarms? Has anybody ever responded to car alarms? Has anybody ever become an ax murderer after listening to a car alarm, a loud car alarm, a jet-engine loud car alarm? Especially after listening to a rock-concert loud car alarm for hours? I think so. I really believe this is why our prisons are filled to capacity. They’re chock full of ax murderers who were sent over the edge by listening to a nearby Niagara Falls loud car alarm.
We must not let our community turn into ax murderers. Murder is wrong. Besides, they might murder innocent bystanders. Nope, best solve the problem by attacking the problem head on. Outlaw car alarms on all new cars. Mandate the deactivation of car alarms. What political party has the courage to enact such legislation? Bacon & Chocolate! Vote Bacon & Chocolate in 2016.
– Paul R. De Lancey, social crusader
Check out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in 
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I’ve been known to take a Louisville Slugger to the taillights of a car just for the chirp-chirp of activating the alarm. So hell yes, you’ve got my vote!
Viva la revolution (quietly)