Set in the dark, satanic Mexican countryside, the plot revolves around a Mexican drug lord who plans to dig a mammoth tunnel to the bright, gods-own US countryside, using giant soup spoons. After completing the tunnel, the desperado will unleash a flood of Mexican immigrants into America “that will make the BP oil spill look like a few drops of chocolate milk.”
Chisel-chinned, muscular, New York real estate mogul Clint Beastwood discovers the plot and sets out to stop it, and kill the evil Mexican. He buys every soup spoon in the world, preventing the drug lord from executing his dastardly plan. In a nail-biting last chapter, Beastwood and the baddie do battle on top of Mount Rushmore. Beastwood prevails by throwing the Mexican off George Washington’s coif. The genius Beastwood had the coif added to George Washington’s head weeks before to catch the drug lord unawares.
Fox News called the book “one of the most important literary works in the history of the planet” and slammed President Obama for not agreeing to use the novel in lieu of science textbooks in the nation’s schools.