Five Things the Pope Needs to Know About Philly

popeWith the upcoming Papal Visit just around the corner, the Philadelphia Department of Tourism has come up with a list of five things the Pope should know if he wants to have a successful visit in the City of Brotherly Love.

1. We are a real city–not just some buildings plopped somewhere between D.C. and New York. (The Weather Channel has yet to learn this fact.)

2. Don’t add drama and gestures when ordering a cheesesteak.  Make your order concise and to the point and don’t take time to bless the food or the cheesesteak-making staff.  Get your sandwich and move on as fast as your little pope shoes can carry you.

3. Never tell Eagles fans to turn the other cheek when it comes to the Dallas Cowboys. Not only will you lose potential converts, but there is a good chance your pope mobile will wind up with slashed tires.

4. We are open to miracles especially where the Phillies and Eagles are concerned.  BIG, fast-moving  miracles.

And Lastly,

5. You can only buy your sacramental wine at state-run liquor stores. If you want a really good deal, go to Delaware like the rest of us, but watch out for Pennsylvania State Troopers at the border.

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17 thoughts on “Five Things the Pope Needs to Know About Philly”

  1. I was just n Philly this spring, and finding good Scotch was a chore. I hope his holiness finds the wine as cheap as we did, although it was admittedly easier to find than liquor once we figured it out.

  2. Every tourist, no matter how eminent, should learn something about the customs of the locals before appearing in their midst.

    Do you have any advice for Pope Francis about New York, since he will be visiting us, too?

    The only thing I can think of on the spur of the moment is that he will be able to get around pretty well speaking only his native Spanish.

  3. Sadly, those Phillies miracles are too late..but we will take the Eagles one. And his peeps will be so glad you gave them the tip on the State Troopers! Popageddon or Popeapalooza…depends on your point of view!

    1. They can be delayed miracles for next year Cathy! The tip on the state troopers is essential. Last thing we want is for the motorcade to be arrested outside Total Wines

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