You read that right. I want a cookie, and not just any old packaged store cookie. I want a homemade one: sweet, chewy, lightly burned on one side. You know, the kind that makes the whole house smell of delicious aromas that are the stuff of legendary memories.
My mother used to bake loads of sugar cookies around Christmastime. They would come out of the oven in the shapes of bells, stars and Christmas trees and Mom had to guard them so we wouldn’t grab them before they cooled. Christmas wasn’t Christmas without Mom’s sugar cookies and popcorn balls that we kids could make ourselves. It was a miracle that we didn’t expire from a sugar overdose after rotting out all our teeth.
I know there are people who still bake nowadays. You know who you are. Please, could you take pity on a poor sufferer and give me a cookie?
What’s that? You want to know why I don’t bake my own damned cookies if I want one that much? Uh … well, you see, I never quite mastered that baking thing. Every time I tried to bake something it was a disaster. Muffins, pound cakes and cookies always came out scorched, either on the top or the bottom. If they weren’t scorched, their insides were almost liquid. Yes, I know this is because every oven has its quirks and you have to learn to adjust temperature settings accordingly. I never did that with any oven I ever knew, which is why my baking was of a consistent quality: bad.
Knowing that I would never win any prizes as a pastry chef, I gave up baking. The world is better off for it. Because I was the one who had to eat the results, I’M better off for it.
So I appeal on my knees to all of you bakers of homemade goodies: please, may I have a cookie?