Kids Desperately Hoping New Star Wars Movies Aren’t As Bad As Terrible Original Trilogy

Jar Jar

Jar Jar

In advance of the upcoming Star Wars movies, the nation’s youngsters are desperately hoping that the new attempts will not be as bad as episodes four through six from the original trilogy. Most enjoyed episodes one through three, with their contemporary action and special effects, while their parents silently fumed before finally exploding with “it’s all ruined!”

“After seeing Yoda kick everyone’s ass with a light saber, he’s practically just a sad puppet in the terrible so-called ‘original’ trilogy.”

“And how do you go from the genius of Jar Jar Binks to a bunch of silly little ewoks? Those things are a joke!”

“Darth Vader is Luke’s father? Who didn’t see that one coming a mile away! And so much of these movies makes no sense at all. Anybody ever heard of continuity?”

“Look at that bar scene? It’s a just bunch of muppets. I think I might have even seen Beaker. When were these movies made? 1950? At least they were in color. Barely.”

“A New Hope? A new hope that I can stay awake through this yawner. Sheesh!”

Meanwhile, middle-aged fans cling to the theory that it was, in fact, episodes one through three that were the terrible ones. The original Star Wars trilogy, shown in theaters between 1977 and 1983, is revered by the now-grown youth of the 70s and 80s for its edge-of-your-seat action, state-of-the-art special effects, unpredictable plot twists, kitschy dialog, wise muppets, and furry ewoks. But they just simply could not buy into the followup prequels because of their mindless action, over-the-top special effects, totally predictable plot twists, pathetic dialog, computer-generated muppets, and racially-insensitive Binkses.

“The dialog was awful. ‘Hold me like you did on Naboo!’ ‘Are you an angel?’ Simply atrocious. The earlier ones had, ‘I love you… I know.’ ‘Laugh it up, fuzzball.’ ‘Scruffy looking nerf herder!’ Nerf herder! That’s comedy gold! I don’t understand how they couldn’t keep that up.”

“And while I remember the ewoks being hilarious with their singing and dancing, Jar Jar is terrible. They are totally different! It’s like these things were made for kids instead of sophisticated adults!”

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3 thoughts on “Kids Desperately Hoping New Star Wars Movies Aren’t As Bad As Terrible Original Trilogy”

  1. I really couldn’t get interested in Anikin Skywalker, knowing who he would turn into. That’s the bad thing about prequels — big-time spoilers!

  2. Ex-queeze-me, not to be wude, but meesa thinks Jar-Jar is TERRRRRIBLE. If yoosa thinks different, yoosa cawazy.

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