Never Miss A Text On The Highway Again!

The other day my wife and I were driving down the highway. I was in the passenger seat checking things out. And we passed an in-car smoker. The guy was doing the signature high-speed driving/smoking move – you hold the cigarette up to the edge of the small crack in the window, but you make sure it doesn’t actually enter the opening, lest the wind tear the burning cherry off the tip of your cigarette.

That happened to my Dad once. He got his cigarette too far out of the car. The cherry tore away, rocketed backward, and entered through my fully opened window. When it landed on my thigh just below my shorts, our family summer vacation took a brief turn for the worse.

This is all so inefficient. When driving, you left hand shouldn’t be consumed with balancing a cig near the window. It should left free for more important tasks such as checking text messages at 65mph. Which is why we need:

THE COMMUTING SMOKERS HEADSET!!

Have you seen those harmonica headsets musicians wear? They snap their head and the harmonica swings over to their mouth. Snap again and it moves away so they can sing? We simply develop one of those for smokers. But this is 2015, so we do away with the annoying flipping of the head. My headset will be Bluetooth compatible. You press a button on the steering wheel and an arm moves the cig to your mouth. Puff, Puff. You press the button again and, with a little whirr of an engine, the cigarette is moved back to the perfect location next to the window. When you’re done with the smoke, a simple double-click dumps the butt out the window. I’ve also noticed more people driving while wearing ear buds, which is totally safe. The Commuting Smoker’s headset could have an optional in-ear stereo feature attached, which would also let you listen to voice messages or follow audio driving directions.

Not to brag, but this thing could literally save Radio Shack.

This is Part One of my two-part Modern Edison Series. Please tune in next time, when I solve the expensive and frustrating problem of drunk guys causing flights to get diverted.