Pfizer, Allergan Merge: Promises Boners with Less Wrinkles

Viagra maker, Pfizer, is merging with Irish pharma giant Allergan, maker of Botox.

This is a marriage straight from petri dish heaven, two companies cashing in on a desire to turn back the clock. Or maybe that is the return of the cock. Or maybe a promise of wrinkle free boners and a face like a rock. (see above)

The merger, for tax purposes, is called an inversion – not really a word you’d expect to be associated with Viagra – but when it goes through Pfizer will move it’s headquarters from New York to Dublin. What does your typical Botox user think of the move? Here she is:

Here are a few drug facts to think about in the Pfizer-Allergan merger. Allergan makes a vaginal cream. I could make a joke about how these products fit like hand in glove but I won’t. Viagra has also been known to affect eyesight. If it does, Allergan makes the best eye drops like Restasis. See? They get you coming or going… or shall we say squinting.

What do stock market analysts think of the merger? Money and Markets says “With the tax saving move to Dublin, expect Pfizer’s dividends to be doubling.” Weiss and Associates predicts “This could energize their stock. We expect them to have daily rallies lasting up to four hours.” Morgan Stanley says the savings could be a big boost to the bottom line. They added “The synchronicity is like a light switch going off … if you know what we mean.”

Why are they doing this, you might ask, big blue pills heading to the green hills of Ireland? Surely it’s not so the Irish guys can produce an even bigger “Full Monty.” No, it’s to save taxes, lots and lots of taxes. We’re not sure what the original founders, German immigrants Charles Pfizer and Charles Erhart, would say about this move but we do know what another descendant of German immigrants, Donald Trump, says and it’s “This merger is huuuuuge and it’s no good.” Donald thinks if this merger goes through we should boycott Viagra. “They are going to turn the pills green. You don’t want a green boner.”

But, Donald, shouldn’t we also boycott Botox? Surely, you wouldn’t allow Melania to use it after Ireland has stolen one of our biggest drug companies. Won’t the terrorist win if we keep getting Botox shots? Will you promise not to get any Botox shots until after the election? Should we ask Melania if she plans to abstain from Botox?

“If this merger goes through and I’m president,” says Trump “we should build a wall around Dublin. A huge, very tall wall. So tall they can’t fly planes in and out.”


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