I’m a trooper. I’m sitting down writing this when just a couple of days ago I was in an operating room getting my nuts cut on.
Yes, I’m writing this with a story right next to me about a testicle eating fish swimming in a New Jersey lake. I’ll take your applause for courage. Thanks. Thankfully, I’m in Oklahoma and not in New Jersey but Donna should have considered us-just-leaving-the-hospital guys when she posted that story.
It wasn’t a vasectomy. It was a hydrocele. My testicles had swollen up to the size of a basketball. Okay, a women’s basketball. No, a kid’s basketball, something you might find in a white panel truck belonging to Jerad Fogle!!
Can you imagine? A white panel truck with the words “$5 Footlong” on the side?
And the ice cream vendors saying “Get out of here. This is our territory.”
OMG!! Where have all our heroes gone? I loved Jerad and his weight loss story.
Now you have Jerad in a white panel truck, OJ in a white Bronco and Bill Cosby offering you white Jello shots!
What a PR nightmare for Subway. They’re going to have to give away kid’s sandwiches for months.
No actually, my balls had looked like someone had glued together two avocados!!
I was actually afraid to walk into Henry Hudson’s (an infamous bar in OKC). Not that I would be wearing a Longhorn’s T Shirt, just that somebody might want Guacamole.
Do you remember that? Henry Hudson’s? A guy comes in wearing a Texas Longhorn’s shirt and another dude starts screaming at him, grabs him by the scrotum and yanks… a river of blood starts running down his leg. Talk about a Red River Rivalry!! He was trying to turn him into Bevo!
You understand Bevo, right? The Texas University mascot, a steer? That’s the ironic part. The original Henry Hudson was an explorer – Hudson River, Hudson Bay. He went up to the Catskills and discovered “mountain oysters”. You get it? Henry Hudson … mountain oysters. Bevo is a steer! Mountain oysters is the difference between a bull and a steer.
Guys, if you ever needed an “I’ve got a headache” excuse, I just gave it to you.
“Honey, you want to?”
“Oh, baby, you know I do… but that damn, white haired old man done shriveled my balls up… like a pair of prunes.”
I always like to have a few comments and a few reads. I wonder how many reads that last comment cost me? Cock-blocking don’t get you a lot of likes.
Gals, you know I love you. I once sent a letter to Sir Mix-A-Lot challenging him to a “Big Butts Liking Contest” I was very careful how I spelled “Liking”