By Al Ive
Staff Made-Up Things Writer
After 80 years of marriage, Frankenstein’s Monster and his bride renewed their vows late last night at the Frankenstein Castle before a large crowd of ghouls and monsters.
Despite a rough patch in the relationship some 20 years ago when The Bride ran off with Count Dracula to terrorize a small countryside in the Himalayas together, Frank decided he wanted to stop literally lighting up his spouse every time someone mentioned ol’ Drac, and move on. Early last month, he proposed for a second time in his recreated life.
“This is a glorious occasion,” Frankenstein’s Monster said following the ceremony. “The Bride and I are thankful to all those who have come to celebrate 80 years of marriage between two creations that are still truly and deeply in love.”
The reception took place in a new premium science lab that Baron Arbogast Von Lotzapowr had built on the premises specifically for the event. The couple asked for all little ones to be kept at home in their cages or on leashes, but that guests bring their appetites.
“We didn’t want those little monsters running all over the place, wreaking havoc,” The Bride said during the reception. “Not tonight. We wanted the havoc all to ourselves.”
And the food? The Frankensteins brought in Chef Mafia Machiavelli, better known for catering the infamous Mad Monster Party of 1967.
“I was a little ticked off,” said the Invisible Man. “Everything was gone by the time I showed up — no pun intended. And there’s always some wise monster that has to crack a joke about invisible food for an invisible man. I was a couple hours late, so what? Can’t an invisible guy get a plate of food? You know how hard it is to travel on planes and trains when people are always sitting on you because they see what they think is an open seat?”
The Frankensteins were thankful for all the gifts they received, everything from appliances they’d need around the castle like extra brains and human hearts, to adult stuff they could share together in the operating room like an inflatable Tesla coil and Tasers to use on each other for the more intimate moments.
“They set up their wedding registry at the Transyl-vein-ia Power Company, so that counted me out,” said the Creature from the Black Lagoon. “You ever see a water beast go into an electrical plant? It’s kinda like fish fillet — not a good idea.”
The two lovebirds will be honeymooning for a second time at the glorious Surgut-2 Power Station in Russia, the world’s largest natural gas power station, which reportedly has a generating capacity of 5,600 megawatts.
“We’re both pretty amped about it,” Frank said as he and his bride got into a horse-drawn coach for the airport. “The Bride and I are gonna start things anew after tonight. That flippin’ bat boy Count Dracula will never haunt this relationship again.”
This story (actually by Michael Picarella and his brother Tom) also appeared in Jack-o’-Lantern Press, a monster blog for monsters only. JLP posts daily monster news between the months of August and October, and occasionally throughout the year. The second season of monster humor begins Mon., Aug. 1.