How to solve tip-of-the-tongue syndrome

You get to be a certain age, and chances are you’ve known the frustration of being unable to recall a familiar word. It’s right there on the tip of your tongue–and, in fact, that’s what this phenomenon is called: tip-of-the-tongue syndrome, or TOT.

The good news is that an occasional bout of TOT is normal at any age—although it does become more frequent as we get older. But rather than beating ourselves up about it—or stressing that we’re losing our minds to dementia—I propose that we cut ourselves some slack and just make words up.

Hey, Sarah Palin does it (inspiring an earlier post with my first batch of made-up words). That said, here are a few more new words for those times when you can’t quite recall the whatchamacallit:

Apprehensile—Anxious or fearful that something bad will happen if you wrap your hand around an object, as in “Mary was apprehensile about giving Bob a hand job”

Asshat allocation—A life management strategy in which you balance risk versus reward by adjusting the percentage of asshats in your life according to your tolerance, goals and timeframe

Autonomousy—To be timid and nervous, but in an independent way

Camaradorito—Mutual trust and friendship among people who eat a lot of Doritos^TM together

Catstankerous—What it smells like after the cat poops in the litter box

Confidentural—Feeling secure about wearing dentures

Consprickuous—Easily recognized as a dick, as in “Donald Trump has been quite consprickuous on the campaign trail”

Exacerbaste—To make a meat dish worse by pouring too much sauce or fat over it during cooking

Friendemonium—A chaotic frenzy of indiscriminately adding people as friends on Facebook

Funeral plotz—To collapse or be beside oneself with strong emotion at any point in the wake or services for a deceased loved one

Hallucinuate—To suggest a seemingly real perception of something not actually there; a form of gaslighting

Hootspa—A place with therapeutic services for owls

Kebobscenity—Something offensive that’s cooked on a stick

Libidolt—A person (usually male) who doesn’t have a clue about how to arouse a woman

Magnifuckation—The ability to make a sexual encounter seem more exciting, intense or important than it actually was

Manuberable—When a man is capable of being steered or directed to be a superlative example of his gender

Menschtruation—The regular flow of honorable people through your life

Minushit—Minor details that are less than trivial 

Momentush—A derriere of great importance or significance, as in “Given the media attention it has received, one might think that Kim Kardashian has a momentush”

Multipluckation—The act of tweezing multiple unwanted facial hairs 

Nosh-e-ated—To have snacked or eaten between meals to the point of nausea

Obsneakquious—Sly and devious to an excessive degree

Persona non granita—A person without a trendy drink made with crushed ice

Perspicakous—Having keen mental perception and understanding of cakes

Phenomenumbnuts—The observable existence of an exceptionally slow-witted or inept person

Prophygalactic—Intended to prevent a disease throughout the entire Milky Way

Querulust—A passion for whining or being argumentative

Sang fried—Conquered karaoke stage fright by performing drunk

Self-despermination—Male masturbation

Snark plug—One who delivers snide remarks with great energy

Verboatsity—The quality of talking excessively about one’s boat

So, what about you? Got any suggestions for new words we should add to our vocabulary? While you’re thinking about it, here’s this week’s Boomer Haiku:

Finding the right word
sometimes means making it up.
Know what I’m saying?

P.S. To the best of my knowledge, these are original words I (I Googled each one to see if they were in use anywhere else). If I’ve misappropriated any, it was unintentional!

To read more of my humor, go here.