A la Sarah Palin, I’m making up some new words, too

When someone with as loose a grasp on the mother tongue as Sarah Palin creates words like “squirmish” and “refudiate,” I feel a hankerin’ to add to our vocabulary, too. It bein’ an election year and all, some of these new words are inspired by the current political folderol, while others, well, they just spoke to me. So here, in no particular order, are some proposed additions to the lexicon:

Ranktimonious—Making a disgusting show of being morally superior to others

Grudgmental—Having or displaying persistent ill will or resentment against someone for something you perceive they did wrong

Trump l’oeil—A realistic image of a presidential candidate that creates an optical illusion of a legitimate potential office-holder

Idiophobia—Fear of idiots (not to be confused with ideophobia, fear of ideas); the former is especially prevalent among rational people, while the latter is more common among irrational people

Zenaphobia—Fear of warrior princesses (not to be confused with zenophobia, the irrational fear of people from other countries, which is quite prevalent this year)

Angoraphobia—Fear of yarn or wool made from the hair of the angora goat or rabbit (not to be confused with agoraphobia, extreme fear of crowded spaces or enclosed public spaces)

Scene-squealer—Someone who takes more than his/her fair share of attention by making a high-pitched noise or cry (remember Howard Dean?)

Mishegassy—The quality of being so flatulent and/or full of hot air that it makes you and the people around you crazy

Privates practice—A gynecologist’s office

Super (in the) Hole Monday—Where you find yourself the day after the Super Bowl when you bet too much on the losing team

Incandressence—The ability to light up a room when you get gussied up

Blow jog—To run with such great speed or force that you blow by someone when jogging, leaving them in the proverbial dust

Extratorrentials—Storms that produce an inordinate amount of rain

Diversifuckation—Having multiple sex partners as a risk management technique to prevent you from having all your eggs in one basket, as it were

Cosmopolitician—Someone who holds or is a candidate for public office who is worldly, suave and sophisticated. Can also be an alcoholic drink that, when consumed, causes you to make promises you have no intention of keeping.

Excrementality—A shitty attitude or outlook

Overcompenstate—To exaggerate the “truth” when correcting erroneous information verbally or in writing

Masterpurbation—The feeling of being supremely perturbed when you know someone is jerking you off, figuratively speaking

Stupidoccio—Empty bragging by a stupid person

Cruz-shit—Refers to the proven untruths that come out of this candidate, as in, “I can’t get on board (with) that Cruz-shit”

Fish filet-show—What sushi chefs put on at the sushi bar

Hubsinfantilism—Childlike behavior in a husband

Hubsterism—A distinctive phrase or saying that your husband utters (example: asking “Why would I want a cookie in bed?” when mishearing the offer of a quickie)

Nihillaryistic—Rejecting all other Democratic candidates in the belief that Hillary Clinton is the inevitable winner

Extrastentialism—When the plaque in your coronary arteries is so severe you need more than one stent to prop them open

Noblesse oh, please—The reaction of most regular folks to snobbery, such as when someone thinks he or she is of higher rank, birth or privilege, and deserves to be treated better as a result

In our lifetimes, we boomers have seen a lot of words come and go from our vocabulary, due in large part to new technology, corporate jargon and politics. Whether the current state of our language is better or worse, well—based on the articulateness of some of the folks on the campaign trail:

What we have here is
a case of vernacular

But what it really comes down to how well we’re able to understand one another. Sadly, if the crap in Congress is any indication, what we have here is a failure to communicate.

What do you think? Got any new words you think we should add to our vocabulary? Any that should be retired? Please share!

P.S. To the best of my knowledge, these are original words I made up (I Googled each one to see if they were in use anywhere else). If I’ve misappropriated any, it was unintentional!

Read more of my humor here.
















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