Ode to H2O

I’m glad there’s water on the earth.
It wouldn’t be good if of water we had a dearth.
If we didn’t have water, there’d be no beer,
and also no red wine, that much is clear.

(I don’t mean you can see through red wines,
I assume you understood me
even though I said it in lines
that by a loose definition constitute poetry.)

You can find water just about every place under the sun.
A lot of people use it primarily to have fun.
There’s water-skiing, for which some have a craving.
If you don’t want to drown, take Junior Life Saving.

Some people buy water in bottles, but I think that’s crap.
Fer Christ sake, you can get it by just turning on the tap!
That kind of thinking is my number one pet peeve.
When you spell “Evian” backwards you get “naïve.”

I wouldn’t mind so much if it weren’t for the plastic bottles,
which are discarded by slobs whom I’d like to throttle.
Back in the old days you just drank from a water fountain.
There are still plenty around, too many to count ‘em.

Water is known to its chemical friends as H₂O.
That’s what they call out when it’s time to go.
NaCL and N₂O, laughing as they leave the bar,
Don’t say “Hey water—let’s get in the car!”

You may think this exercise in rhyme quite fatuous
Since without water there’d be neither an earth or a me.
Fair enough, your criticism isn’t entirely gratuitous,
but remember: without water there’d be no coffee, or even tea.