What exactly is a prayer breakfast? This is an activity American politicians love to attend.
Is this everyone’s chance to collectively thank God for the fact that bacon tastes so damn good? This being the same bacon that God uses to give you heart disease.
Where are the meetings? iHop? Nothing says God like an iHop breakfast. Maybe people read Bible quotes at these get-togethers, like, “and the Lord said, let there be 1001 types of pancakes.”
Who decided that, while praying, it’s a good idea to consume 5000 calories? I think it’s because the average American was born with a greasy spoon in their mouth.
I’d really like to attend one of these holy events because I have some prayers to get out of my system. Here’s one: Dear God, why can’t my life be like my eggs, over easy? I always wish for more bacon but I’ve never escalated the wish to an official request, a prayer to God. That’s why I only ever get 3 pieces.
What kind of God takes prayers early in the morning anyway? Not my God! He doesn’t open until 9:30 a.m., and takes off early on Friday. By the way, He’s a She. Pretty smart God. Whenever She gets down, I say to Her, “You go, God.”
Here’s a fact about fat. Drop the “c” in “fact” and you get “fat”. And “c” starts the word calories.
God starts with a “G”. “G” also starts the word “good”, like bacon is sooooooo ooooh good.
Fact. Fat. Calories. God. Good. Bacon.
Does this religion make me look fat?
Let’s pray together. But first, pass the syrup.