History-onics | HumorOutcasts

History-onics

August 16, 2017
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They tell me you’re a Nazi, but I don’t know if that’s true.
We may have crossed paths yet I don’t remember meeting you.
I’ve held some great big rallies — were you in those yuge, yuge crowds?
All kinds of folks support me (but protesters aren’t allowed).
Don’t tell me you’re a racist, since I’ve been informed that’s bad.
I saw that violence on TV and have just one word – “Sad!”
Now, if you’re with the KKK then you’re considered thuggish.
I sort of said so Saturday, but some thought my response sluggish.
So let me clarify — alt-right has no place in society.
(You notice how no one’s been mentioning Russia impropriety?)
I’m told I must object to any white supremacist,
And yet I was acclaimed when I named Gorsuch to that list.
But back to neo-Nazis — justice will be brought to bear.
(Here let me quickly mention jobs and stocks and trade deals I’ll make fair.)
This kind of carnage will abate when I strengthen our border.
These were domestic terrorists? — Let Sessions restore order.
Racism is evil; there is no room for confusion.
It only took me three days to arrive at that conclusion.
Don’t believe the #FakeNews that you hear on every station.
My language was consistent all across our great white nation.
I used no racist code words, I did not cloud or fog,
And didn’t sound a “dog whistle” — don’t even HAVE a dog.
I slept on Monday’s comments someone on my team scripted,
Then I came out roaring Tuesday and, believe me, really ripped it.
One side was very violent! The other side — bad actors!
Now only *I* have all the facts — unlike those scum reporters.
You can call it “terrorism;” “murder;” something gory.
Which memorial will be torn down next? I call it statue-tory.
Ignore the #FakeNews, listen up — now I’ve got all the power.
The worst of all would be if they came after my Trump Tower.
The critics can all kiss my ass; pay no heed to their rebuke.
I’ll wallow in the praise I get from folks like David Duke.

John Branning

John Branning is a humorist whose writings have left literally millions of readers with no idea who he is. But for those who have managed to stumble upon his self-deprecating and hubristically-inclined writing, he's left them in stitches. And in this context, “in stitches” is considered to be an enjoyable experience versus something painful resulting from a visit to the emergency room. His newest book, "Keys To The Truculent Me," is available on Amazon as is his first book, "Selfie-Facing," which was recognized by The Huffington Post as one of “The Best Self-Published Books of 2016.” You can find more of his posts, where he uses all the vowels and most of the consonants on his keyboard, at JohnBranning.com.

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