History-onics | HumorOutcasts


August 16, 2017


They tell me you’re a Nazi, but I don’t know if that’s true.
We may have crossed paths yet I don’t remember meeting you.
I’ve held some great big rallies — were you in those yuge, yuge crowds?
All kinds of folks support me (but protesters aren’t allowed).
Don’t tell me you’re a racist, since I’ve been informed that’s bad.
I saw that violence on TV and have just one word – “Sad!”
Now, if you’re with the KKK then you’re considered thuggish.
I sort of said so Saturday, but some thought my response sluggish.
So let me clarify — alt-right has no place in society.
(You notice how no one’s been mentioning Russia impropriety?)
I’m told I must object to any white supremacist,
And yet I was acclaimed when I named Gorsuch to that list.
But back to neo-Nazis — justice will be brought to bear.
(Here let me quickly mention jobs and stocks and trade deals I’ll make fair.)
This kind of carnage will abate when I strengthen our border.
These were domestic terrorists? — Let Sessions restore order.
Racism is evil; there is no room for confusion.
It only took me three days to arrive at that conclusion.
Don’t believe the #FakeNews that you hear on every station.
My language was consistent all across our great white nation.
I used no racist code words, I did not cloud or fog,
And didn’t sound a “dog whistle” — don’t even HAVE a dog.
I slept on Monday’s comments someone on my team scripted,
Then I came out roaring Tuesday and, believe me, really ripped it.
One side was very violent! The other side — bad actors!
Now only *I* have all the facts — unlike those scum reporters.
You can call it “terrorism;” “murder;” something gory.
Which memorial will be torn down next? I call it statue-tory.
Ignore the #FakeNews, listen up — now I’ve got all the power.
The worst of all would be if they came after my Trump Tower.
The critics can all kiss my ass; pay no heed to their rebuke.
I’ll wallow in the praise I get from folks like David Duke.

John Branning

John Branning is a humorist whose writings have left literally millions of readers with no idea who he is. But for those who have managed to stumble upon his self-deprecating and hubristically-inclined writing, he's left them in stitches. And in this context, “in stitches” is considered to be an enjoyable experience versus something painful resulting from a visit to the emergency room. His newest book, "Keys To The Truculent Me," is available on Amazon as is his first book, "Selfie-Facing," which was recognized by The Huffington Post as one of “The Best Self-Published Books of 2016.” You can find more of his posts, where he uses all the vowels and most of the consonants on his keyboard, at JohnBranning.com.

More Posts - Website - Twitter

Share this Post:

User Login

New Release
How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

New Release
Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute
By Perry Block and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

New Release
Running Log
By Roger Hollis. and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

Comments Are Part Of The Fun, Recent Comments