If Bruce Wayne Lost All His Money | HumorOutcasts

If Bruce Wayne Lost All His Money

November 24, 2017
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Hi! I’m your Uber Driver.”

“Thank goodness, and not a moment too soon!”

“Say, nice Batman costume.”

“It ought to be. I’m Batman!”

“No kiddin’! Where’s your Batmobile.”

“It’s … um … in the shop. That’s it, it’s in the shop! Carburetor trouble, very tricky to fix.”

“Really? Okay, where to?”

“Gotham City Town Square. The Joker is throwing bombs into the square from the Kropotkin Building!”

“Here we are, Batman!

“Thanks. I’ll give you a good review.”

“I’ll give you one too, Dude.”

“Commissioner Gordon, I’m here.”

“Batman! Why are you in an Uber? Where’s the Batmobile?”

“I’ll be honest with you, Commissioner.  It was repossessed.”

“Repossessed! Why?”

“I’ve had some financial reverses lately. Started with Bernie Madoff and Enron. Lately I invested in Trump University.”

“In this booming economy? Only other person I know dumb enough to lose all his money these days is Bruce Wayne. That idiot!”

“Yeah … uh … what a dunderhead.”

“Batman, the Joker’s on the 7th floor. Shoot one of your batarangs and zoom up high and take him down.”

“Uh, I have a better idea. You cup your hands together, I’ll step in them, and you fling me up.”

“We’re doing alley oop?”

“Yeah. You see, my batarangs were sold at auction.”

“Then you’d better take the stairs.”

“Okay, it’s only 7 floors. No problem for me.”

“God bless you, Batman!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“OMG! I’m only at the 4th floor. I feel sick! I think I’m going to throw the hell up! But push on!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Batman! You’re here at the 7th floor! And you’re breathing like a race horse after the Kentucky Derby!”

“Never you mind, Joker … Heeeee! … I’m taking you down … Hoooo! … Do you mind waiting 15 minutes or so until I can do that?”

“I guess not. I’ll read the news on my phone until you’re ready.”

“Freeze, Joker!  Great work, Batman, holding off the Joker until we could get here!”

“Yeah … uh … just as I planned it, Commissioner! Got any Dramamine on you?”

“No, Batman, but there’s a Rite Aid a couple of blocks from here.”

“I see. Um … do you think I could borrow some money?”

“Sure, Batman, here’s a ten spot.”

“And … uh … do you mind giving me a lift?”

“Where to?”

“The Dairy Queen at Fourth and Cowan Street.”

“Sure, but why? You want ice cream?”

“No. I’ve got the 10:00 P.M. to 2:00 A.M. shift. I’m in charge of jimmies.”

“I wonder if you could get Bruce Wayne a job there too?”

“I’m afraid he’s already working there, Commissioner.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 I want a piece of pie! Of course I’m good for it! I’m Batman, damn it! 

Perry Block

I am one bummed-out Baby Boomer desperately attempting to turn back the clock through parody, satire, and anything else you want. In my time I have been a puppet, a pirate, a pauper, and a king. I would have also been a pawn but I didn’t have the SATs for it, and my career as a poet was cut short when I recited “The Man from Nantucket” at a White House Dinner. I look forward to developing a relationship with the readers of Humor Outcasts, unhealthy as it probably will be.

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