Resume writer’s block

I just celebrated my one year anniversary with a new job. It brought back memories from last year when I was facing unemployment and trying to update my resume. Of course I wrote about it.

Despite an abundance of ‘blogs in progress,’ I am experiencing a bad case of writer’s block. Let me explain.

Everyone in our office is being downsized, right sized, restructured, laid off fired.

I thought I could retire. Then the stock market took a dive, and we had a ‘come to Jesus moment’ with our financial advisor. She shook her head, gave me an encouraging pat on the back, and suggested I update my resume.

And now I have resume writer’s block.

My soon to be ex-employer has been kind enough to offer some job transition training, and I’m shocked at the progress resume writing has made over the years. Who knew you practically need a master’s degree to properly summarize your experience and qualifications? And apparently writing the cover letter requires a certificate of advanced study.

I updated my resume six years ago when I hustled my current job, which I declared would be my last. I located the outdated document on a dusty thumb drive. I wanted to give it the finger.

Sensing a mountain of resistance, I decided that today was the day for me to squeeze my assets onto a single page, using action words and a clean format.

I left work early so I could come home and have some quiet time to analyze my motivators, core talents, and aptitudes. Once I’ve done this, I know the words will flow, and I will compile a masterpiece that will land a dream job.

I started to drive home, but realized we were almost out of toilet paper. I went to Walmart, Target and finally landed the best buy per square at Sam’s Club.

Next I called Patrick, and we shared a bacon club sandwich at the Harvest Moon Deli for lunch. I can’t really concentrate when I’m hungry.

After lunch, thoughts of financial uncertainty prompted a trip to the library to borrow books instead of buying them. I only got lost a couple of times as I meandered through the stacks from humor to history.

There were so many books I wanted, but I feared I’d pay more in library fines than I’d save, so I settled on only two. When I was checking out, I learned the library will close for several weeks due to renovations, creating liberal due dates. So I trudged back into the stacks, and wobbled out under the weight of a dozen books.

The first one I’m going to read is “The Secret.” Since I haven’t updated my resume, I’ll be depending on a positive attitude and the laws of attraction for my future wealth.

Here are a few other titles I’ll be diving into:

• 101 Things to Do With Ramen Noodles
• How to Cut and Color Your Own Hair
• Home Remedies and Natural Cures for the Uninsured
• Wine Making for Dummies
• Cheapskate Living and Loving It
• The Unemployment Survival Guide
• Nature’s Garden: A Guide to Identifying, Harvesting and Preparing Edible Wild Food
• The Joy of Not Working

I’m feeling pretty confident with my arsenal of books, and the luxury of time to read them.

Have you faced an unexpected job loss? How did you manage to write your resume? Would you be willing to write mine for a wild mushroom ramen noodle casserole, and a bottle of homemade wine?

For more of my humor go HERE.