August 30 – Trump visited storm ravaged Texas yesterday as he participated in a second national disaster – the first being his election in November.
The President made the trip to view firsthand the flooding and devastation left by Hurricane Harvey.
Flying in Air Force One, Trump told reporters “This is the hugest storm the country has experienced under any president ever. The bigness of Hurricane Harvey will be linked to President Trump in the history books. Very big storm and TV ratings for me.”
Landing in Corpus Christi, Trump addressed a crowd of Red Cross, FEMA, Coast Guard and other disaster relief officials. “Thanks for coming out to my Flood Rally. Wow! It’s wet here. Crooked Hilary couldn’t take on Harvey, but I alone can!”
A Coast Guard helicopter flew Trump and Melania over Houston to view the water damage. Over Buffalo Bayou, which has severely flooded, Trump pulled down his khaki’s and threw his extra-large adult diaper into the churning waters below. Within minutes the flood water began to recede.
Coast Guard pilot, Chuck Baylor, reported he was amazed at the absorbency of the oversized Pamper.
“Water levels have begun to return to normal after Trump dumped his diaper,” said Mayor Sylvester Turner.
Trump told accompanying press that his super absorbent Trumpers are the best adult diapers on the planet. “Special, brilliant scientists created this over-sized undergarment for me, since I have the largest bladder the world has ever seen.”
“When they hit the retail market, they’ll be just as successful as Trump Water and Trump Vodka,” the President stated.
Texas Governor Gregg Abbott applauded Trump for helping end the historic flooding. “Trump has brought relief to the state. His incontinence has the potential of saving thousands of residents.”
House Speaker Paul Ryan stated, “Republicans always rise to the occasion during a national disaster. Donald Trump has moved the waters. He is our Underpants Moses,”
Cases of Trumpers are being flown to Corpus Christi to soak up the flood water. Trump advised that each diaper can hold 8 hours of liquids.
The standard white undergarment will be shipped to Texas, although it’s reported that there’s an exclusive line of the product manufactured in Trump’s favorite color. They are known as the Limited Super Trump Golden Showers.
Senator Mitch McConnell and over half of an aging Senate have requested a case of Trumpers. McConnell said, “Eight hours of dryness during a filibuster is a blessing.”
“Hopefully, now we’ll see much less leaking coming out of Washington,” Chief of Staff Gen. John Kelly said.