Any day now, they will start. TV networks will broadcast classic Christmas movies, and they won’t stop until Christmas is over. There will probably even be a marathon of A Christmas Story, as there has been every year since … please don’t ask me, because I can’t remember.
In order to prepare for this yearly film festival, I have prepared a little quiz that will make you aware of how much you need to bone up on your Christmas movie knowledge, so that you can get up and go to the kitchen at any time during any of the shows without missing anything important.
The Christmas Movie Quiz
1. Home Alone: What is the name of the kid who is left alone on Christmas?
e. That’s no kid. That’s a miniature demon.
2. Home Alone: Why does _______’s family leave him alone on Christmas?
a. He’s an obnoxious brat and they hate him
b. They’re stupid
c. He’s stupid
d. They’re late leaving for the airport to go to Europe and, in their hurry, they leave him behind
e. All of the above
3. Elf: What is the name of the man who was raised by elves at the North Pole?
e. That’s no elf. That’s a moron in a green suit.
4. It’s a Wonderful Life: What is the famous quote about bells in this movie?
a. Ring those bells!
b. Who keeps ringing those stupid bells?
c. This is the one that made me deaf.
d. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.
e. Keep doing that, and you’ll be hearing bells!
5. The Bishop’s Wife: Why does an angel who looks like Cary Grant choose a name like Dudley?
a. It’s his name
b. Nobody knows
c. Nobody cares
d. He won that name in a lottery
e. It’s a nice name and he likes it
6. Miracle on 34th Street: Poll: Is Mr. Kringle really Santa Claus?
a. Oh, come on! You always wanted to think he was!
b. He thinks he is, and that’s all that counts.
c. Of course he is. His beard is real, and everything.
d. Are you joking?
e. Anything is possible, if you just believe.
7. A Christmas Story: What does Ralphie want for Christmas?
a. A pair of bunny pajamas with feet
b. Somebody to force-feed his little brother
c. A supply of Lifebuoy soap
d. An air rifle
e. A football
8. A Christmas Story: What radio personality lets Ralphie down in a very dramatic way?
a. The Lone Ranger
b. Jack Benny
c. The Shadow
d. Little Orphan Annie
9. The Polar Express: All of the kids on the Polar Express are traveling to the North Pole in their pajamas. Why don’t they put on their coats?
a. Mom isn’t watching them.
b. The train only stops long enough for them to run out the door.
c. The look in the eyes of that scary conductor
d. They don’t want to
e. All of the above
10. The Polar Express: Who sings the theme song in this film?
a. Some jerk
b. A guy with a tenor voice
c. Josh Groban
d. Luciano Pavarotti
e. A computer
Okay. I have given you enough to get you started. It is now up to you.