The Electric Chair

Due to the increased health risks associated with sitting, the electric chair will be banned as an instrument of capital punishment.

Sitting is the new smoking, doctors say, and sitting in an electric chair is definitely the new smoking, when it’s turned on.

Voltzgang Burnstein, The Chairman of Executions, sitting in his chair, man, made an announcement: “It’s tragic, how lives have been cut short by the mere act of sitting. Some of our inmates have died seconds before we zap them, which isn’t fair, because we are supposed to kill them, not the sitting. Some, who were later found innocent and released, died shortly thereafter, from sitting waiting to be found innocent.”

Under consideration is an electric mattress. Lying down is not bad for you, if you explain to the body that you are lying down to rest and not because you are a stupid lazy do-nothing dolt.

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