My Depraved Search for a Celebrity Birthday-Buddy
Guess what? I was born on the same day as Argentinian basketball player Emanuel Ginobili. Aren’t you impressed? Not yet? I also share a birthday with a Finnish ice hockey player named Aki Berg. That’s right—the Aki Berg! (I hadn’t heard of him, either.) I’m sure Emanuel and Aki are really nice guys and great athletes, but aren’t there any, um, more famous people who were born on my birthday? Someone I’ve seen in a movie, perhaps?
Maybe I’m making this too hard. See, I’m trying to find a famous person who was born on my exact birthday—month, day, and year: a celebrity birthday-buddy. Beatrix Potter, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Sally Struthers, Elizabeth Berkley, and Soulja Boy were born on my birthday, but in different years. Lots of other famous people—Orlando Bloom, Chris Martin, Kanye West, Liv Tyler, and Shakira, to name a few—were born in the right year, but none of them were born on the right day.
There’s gotta be someone! My search continues…Let’s try the Internet Movie Database. Here I find several birthday-buddies: a makeup artist, a screenwriter, a couple of actors who played tiny parts in TV shows I’ve never heard of, and someone named “Kiri.” Oh, she must be famous, to go by one name, like Madonna, I think, enthusiastically clicking Kiri’s link. Look at all these movies she’s done! Wow! Oh…Oooooh, no. I read Kiri’s impressive list of movie credits, and cringe and giggle uncomfortably. (I’m not going to repeat any of the titles here, because HumorOutcasts is a family-friendly site, right?)
Is Kiri more famous than Emanuel Ginobili and Aki Berg? It looks like she retired in 2004, so, assuming she used her “acting” money to pay for medical school, she’s probably a doctor now. We can’t all be basketball and hockey stars, you know.
Just for kicks, let’s see if I can find a celebrity birthday-buddy for my husband. Okay, I’m back at imdb.com, and…you’ve got to be kidding me! My husband is birthday-buddies with a “Busty Beauty” named Shauna Banks. Now, because I’m too curious for my own good, I need to check and see if she’s done any movies with Kiri. Wouldn’t that be a crazy coincidence, like when I found out that my husband and I went to the same orthodontist before we knew each other, proving that we were meant to be together?! (I think I’m actually proving that a new porn actress is born every single day, and I probably need to stop.)
Would you believe that my husband also shares a birthday (different birth years) with Ron Jeremy? Yep. Okay, that does it. I’m done researching celebrity birthdays. I thought it would be fun, but now I feel a little gross.
Maybe I am the famous person born on my birthday. I’m simply not famous yet. Give me a few more years. I still haven’t published my bestselling novel. Or starred in a movie.
Not that kind of movie!
If you’d like to repeat my mistakes, and attempt to find a celebrity birthday-buddy of your own, check out these helpful sites: