A Physicist’s Daily Routine











6:00 a.m. Alarm sounds but universe is expanding so hard to hear. Sleep in for a Planck length. Move at the speed of sloth.

Reach for soap in shower and slip on dark matter. See new stars, planets and supernova. Note: feel like splitting the maid’s atoms.

Hairy legs. Shave with Occam’s razor. Fewest cuts possible.

Floss teeth. Stuck, too stringy. Possible proof of String Theory.

Feed cat, in case it’s alive. It throws up on my new suit and doesn’t throw up.

Disappointing night. Still searching for multiple universes and orgasms.

Kid update: daughter pregnant, son on fentanyl. Entropy increasing rapidly.

Discover more dark energy – coffee.

Need to vote in election. Hope we elect Ron.

Listen to 11th Dimension on car radio.

Expanding universe so late for work again.

Jimmy Dean Sausage for lunch. Passes through me like a trillion neutrinos.

Open mail. Visa bill. Inflation continues unabated.

Boss wants to entangle with me. No gravity between us.

Sexism at work – the fifth force of nature.

Particles accelerate faster than my career.

Adopt the Many-Worlds theory and plan to move to another one.

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