My Alma Mater’s Girls’ Basketball Team—State Champs! | HumorOutcasts

My Alma Mater’s Girls’ Basketball Team—State Champs!

February 28, 2018
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I seldom pay much attention to sports, but when a team from your alma mater wins the high school regional girls’ basketball title …

(By the way, alma mater means “nourishing mother” … I didn’t even know my mother played basketball.)

Wait, what? The Central Noble Lady Cougars basketball team not only won regional, but went to semi-state? That’s very cool; even a nerd like me gets that.

The truth is, the only thing sports-related I paid attention to in high school were the cheerleaders–which is okay, because sports never paid any attention to me. Neither did the cheerleaders.

(I should add that the cheerleaders were all very nice on those few occasions when we interacted; we just seldom interacted. I was what in those days was called shy, and these days would be called antisocial. Now I’m Facebook friends with most of them, one of those remarkable things about social media.)

Wait, what? The Lady Cougars won semi-state? Wow!

Thanks to WANE-TV

I don’t believe any CN sports team ever won semi-state. Again, I could be wrong on this. When I was in school Coach Schnepp took the boys’ basketball team all the way to the regionals, I think. There were signs on the walls, and we had a pep rally, and I went to it; but I sat with a notebook on the back row, writing a science fiction story with lots of violence and sex. These days I’d have ended up in a therapist’s office.

Anyway, my biggest memory of Coach Schnepp was that he taught Physical Education, and he taught by doing, and he did dodgeball. Now, Coach Schnepp had these long arms–he could touch his toes without bending over–and he played the sport we called “killer ball” right along with us. When he wound up and let go, pity the poor guy who didn’t get out of the way in time. It would be like someone get shot in a 70s Eastwood cop movie: They’d fly halfway across the gym and tumble end over end. Sometimes the ball would stay in the shape of a disk from flattening against its victim. Sometimes we couldn’t locate the ball at all. Once all we found was a hole in the concrete block wall, and a felled pine tree outside.

As a science lover, it made me appreciate physics. As a human being, it made me appreciate the concept of duck and cover.

The Lady Cougars did what? They won State? They’re the State Champions? Wait …

They’re the STATE CHAMPIONS!!!!

Thanks to Steve Bushong and the Albion Volunteer Fire Dept.

Holy crap. That’s just … awesome, and it explains the giant parade that went through town. I thought it was to celebrate the end of February.

It’s not surprising, either. These girls are so good, colleges are afraid to recruit them for fear the rest of the team won’t have anything to do.

They’re so tough, Chuck Norris walks across the street to avoid them.

Muhammad Ali sent a message from the afterlife to say they’re the Greatest.

They’re so talented that during their downtime they won the regional championships in baseball, track, and chess. Their group science project is in the Smithsonian.

What I’m saying is, they’re pretty darned good. They were called in to give lessons to the Duke Blue Devils. (It’s a basketball team, I looked it up.)

You know, when we’re looking to the future of our country and world, these are the kind of people who give me hope. Go-getters. Hard workers.

 

Champions.

Mark R Hunter

Mark R Hunter is the author of three romantic comedies: Radio Red, Storm Chaser, and its sequel, The Notorious Ian Grant, as well as a related story collection, Storm Chaser Shorts. He also wrote a young adult adventure, The No-Campfire Girls, and a humor collection, Slightly Off the Mark. In addition, he collaborated with his wife, Emily, on the history books Images of America: Albion and Noble County, Smoky Days and Sleepless Nights: A Century or So With The Albion Fire Department, and Hoosier Hysterical. Mark’s work also appeared in the anthologies My Funny Valentine and Strange Portals: Ink Slingers’ Fantasy/Horror Anthology. For two decades Mark R Hunter has been an emergency dispatcher for the Noble County Sheriff Department. He’s served over 32 years as a volunteer for the Albion Fire Department, holding such positions as safety officer, training officer, secretary, and public information officer. He also has done public relations writing for the Noble County Relay For Life, among other organizations, and served two terms on the Albion Town Council. When asked if he has any free time, he laughs hysterically. Mark lives in Albion, Indiana, with his wife and editor Emily, a cowardly ball python named Lucius, and a loving, scary dog named Beowulf. He has two daughters and twin grandsons, and so naturally is considering writing a children’s book.

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