Resolushuns | HumorOutcasts


December 31, 2018

I’ve never been one for New Year resolutions. The motivation behind them never lasts. I’ve always thought that if you really want to change in some way, don’t do it when everyone else is doing it and it’s the “behaviour du jour”. Do it in July, when you’re relaxing at the cottage, drunk and pregnant with magic brownies. Takes way more effort. I’ve never seen anyone make a summer resolution, other than to drink more and then go water skiing at night.

This philosophy applies to other behaviour as well. If you really want to marry that person, do it in February when you have to salt the walkways into the wedding tent and the bride is wearing high-heel galoshes. It’s so easy to get married on a nice summer day, which is why the divorce rate is so high.

Honeymoon in the South Pole, not the Bahamas. Too easy to have a good time. All-inclusive penguin meat has a way of holding a marriage together.

Now ignore all that because this year I am trying a resolution on for size.

For this, I’m turning to the Buddha. It’s a strange choice, in that there is some question as to if he actually existed, and whether he appeared on Dancing with the Philosophers.

The Buddha said that “attachment is the root of suffering”. Again, there is some question as to the accuracy of this translation. Some scholars think he said, “Shit, I overdosed on melatonin and I can’t get out of this pose. My knees are killing me.”

I’ll assume what he meant was attachment to objects or outcomes. It’s so much more romantic.

I’ve come across this pearl of wisdom before. I always thought it referred to the umbilical cord, and that it should be cut because you’re too attached to your mom.

So, I’m no longer gonna be attached to my things, including this blog. We shall see if this really is the root of suffering. I still think the real root is having a teenage daughter.


I am a graphic designer, humour writer, musician and piano teacher. And that's only during the day. At night I fight crime and hang out with my wonderful family.

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One Response to Resolushuns

  1. December 31, 2018 at 11:37 pm

    Speaking as a parent of two girls, I think you were right the first time.

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