High in outer space, somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, Space Force One is heading back to Washington, D.C. following the Helsinki summit between trump and Vladimir Putin when Kellyanne Conway nervously approaches the president as he’s ravenously engaged in a bucket of chicken, biscuits and a Super-Sized Pepsi.
“Mr president” Kellyanne says with her voice quivering
After waiting a full 5 minutes for trump to finish his meal the president finally asks her, “What is it blondie?”
“Sir, our sources back in the states tells us your summit with Putin and the subsequent press conference were a disaster. All news station are criticizing what they refer to as your (long pause) weak performance.”
Trump: “No worry my dear. We’ll do what we always do and accuse the fake news of trying to make me look bad”
KC: But, but … it not just CNN and MSNBC sir. It’s FOX and other right wing sources that have always shielded you from the facts
Kellyanne dodges the empty bucket of chicken just in time after trump as heaved it in her direction.
Trump: “WTF! How did this happen?”
KC: They claim that you disputed the entire US intelligence community’s assessment about Russia’s interference in the 2016 election, taken Putin’s side instead.
Trump. Are they that blind that they cannot see how strong and powerful Putin’s response was?
KC: Apparently they are sir.
Trump: Get my brain trust in here quickly. We must have a plan in place that will easily turn this impression around before we land in Mar-a-Lago.
KC: You mean D.C. sir?
In trump’s Space Force One office
Trump: “Okay sh–holes. Let’s hear what you’ve got that will allow me to dispute what everyone saw and heard with their own eyes and ears.”
Trump stooge #1: Well your majesty, we could say that you accidentally overdosed on your Ambien and that you just weren’t thinking clearly while you were with Putin.
Trump: ” Imbecile. I’ve already convinced my adoring public that I am in perfect health so why would I need a pharmaceutical aid to help me sleep. Besides that kind of statement could have a negative impact on my stock portfolio which is loaded with Big Pharma stocks.”
Trump stooge #2: How about you tell them you had a dream from God that ordered you to side with Putin’s version, explaining that it was part of God’s plan to win Putin back from atheism. The evangelicals will eat it up.
Trump: “Hmmmmm. Not bad. But I fear that that might create undue pressure from those annoying fundamentalists who’ll insists I do something I’ve never done before. Attend church routinely. You know how I hate getting up any morning before 11am.”
Trump stooge #3: Well your awesomeness, we could use the old reliable response that seldom works and merely claim you “misspoke”. Tell them that instead of saying you didn’t see see any reason why Putin would be meddling in our elections, you meant he “wouldn’t”. People with half a brain will know you’re lying but your loyal base who would still vote for you after claiming you could “stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody” will have a straw to grasp onto.
Trump: “Perfect! Now get the Joint Chiefs in here. I want to make sure that my parade in November will be bigger and better than anything ever done in Moscow and Beijing”
Space Force One starts to descend as Queen’s hit song, LIAR, bellows out over the intercom system. A smile slowly starts to come across the face of Spanky Bonespurs.