Today I am grateful for things I will never be fined for. I wear reading glasses. . .to read. That’s the only time. I don’t need glasses for distance so bifocals would be a senseless purchase. I go to great expense and purchase reading glasses by the gross from the Dollar Store. I probably have 20 pairs. Himself would say 40 and he might be closer to correct, though I always hate to admit it.
For a very long time I could still focus enough to read without glasses, if the print was not too small, or in a faded halftone, or in Olde English font. I have a lot more qualifiers now, but can still sometimes read without glasses, provided I have not yet used them that day. If I have, forget it. My eyes get lazy and happy to not have to struggle so unless I throw something on the floor to read it, my arms are just not long enough anymore.
It seems that now everyone in my circle communicates with texting. Great! Except when you wear reading glasses that becomes a major pain in the ass.
Beep!
Himself: What’s that?
Me: I’m getting a text
Himself: What?
Me: I’m getting a text!!!
Himself: Aren’t you going to read it?
Me: Later.
Himself: What?
Me: I’ll look at it later when I have my glasses.
Himself: You have a pair of glasses every two feet.
Me: Well I don’t have any right here so just let it go.
Himself: Do you want me to read it?
Me: Sure go ahead. I don’t care.
Himself: It went away. How do I get it back?
Me: Push the button.
Himself: What?
Me: Push the BUTTON!
Himself: What button?
Me: The one that turns it on. On the bottom. The one YOU use to turn your phone on, too, except this one is on MY phone.
Himself: You don’t have to get snarky.
Me: For the love of God, either check it or leave it, but stop asking me questions!
Himself: Well I can’t find it now so here! You check it.
Me: Where are my glasses?
Wasn’t that a lot of fun? I heard on the news today that they are starting to fine people for looking at their phones while walking. I can’t walk across the room with my reading glasses on without falling over, so I think I’m safe.
If they ever start fining old people clustered against walls trying to figure out how to get the phone on, we’re in trouble. And when they fine people for laying their phone on the ground so they can be far enough away to see it without glasses. . .I’m doomed! I’ll be at the Big House!