To, Too and Two… Screw you Tom | HumorOutcasts

To, Too and Two… Screw you Tom

March 11, 2018

Who is Tom? I don’t know; but fuck him.

This is a goodbye to Righty.

Righty is how I refer to my right testicle by the way.

Lefty, Righty… Harmon, uncreative I know. But don’t judge.

Yes Harmon… as in Harmon Killebrew. The Hebrew Hammer.

Is it weird that I’m writing a farewell to one of my balls? I mean thirty three years of hanging with him and now he’s just gone. Replaced by a fake orb of silicone. Essentially I have a fake boob in my ball sack.

What really annoys me, is how symmetrical it is down there. Righty was always a bit bigger. More out front. And the slight off balance was nice.

Obama, thanks for the health insurance by the way.

Can I really still go balls deep, balls to the wall, ball out, or free ball with only one ball?

This entire situation is confusing.

Bright side, I probably have a leg up on the Tour de France.

What the hell am I thinking; I can’t close this on a Lance Armstrong joke.

It’s two ballsy to assume people still know who he is.



Jason Elia

Responsible for a book called Elliston and a Baldwin film. A left handed colorblind stand-up comedian. And your Jewish Jedi James Dean who created the WTF!? webseries on Youtube.

More Posts - Twitter

Share this Post:

User Login

New Release
How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

New Release
Lite Whines and Laughter: Mild Rants and Musings on the Mundane
By Lee Gaitan and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

New Release
It Comes From Within: Living with Bipolar Illness
By Michael Solomon. and Shorehouse Books

Available in Paperback and Kindle