Sweatshirts, Shawls, Blankets & Hats | HumorOutcasts

Sweatshirts, Shawls, Blankets & Hats

January 12, 2019

Today I am grateful for sweatshirts, shawls, blankets and hats.  Himself and I run on different temperatures.  I am always hot and he is always cold.  Temperature control in our house has been an ongoing battle for 36 years.


“I’m giving us another degree,” he’ll say, claiming I’m making him live in the tundra, while I’m ripping off my clothing and splashing cold water on my face.  “If you do, I’ll die,” I answer, in my usual calm, non-dramatic way.


The next time I see him he is walking through the house wearing two sweatshirts, with both hoods up and has a blanket strewn over his shoulders.  He’s not dramatic, either.  I’m in a short sleeved shirt with my shoes off, bare toes in the breeze he’s sure is blowing through the house.


In summer, when the air conditioning is necessary he swears he has icicles hanging off of his Irish nose!  Nonsense.  I never saw an icicle.  Not once.  And you sure can’t miss that schnoz. He might shiver a little, but no icicles.  Exaggerator!!


Yesterday, for whatever reason, I couldn’t get warm.  Maybe it’s because I was in the pool and got a chill after that which I couldn’t shake.  Maybe it was the gale-force winds blowing the chill factor the lowest in the season.  Maybe it was because I sat in the sunroom reading a book for too long.  Being on the north side of the house and with all of the windows, it can be cool in there.  I don’t know why, but I was cold and simply couldn’t get warm.


We had a cup of tea and I sat in the kitchen where the sun warms the room naturally. It didn’t help. I gave us a degree, then two.  I put on a second sweatshirt.  I sat in my cozy chair and threw a shawl around my shoulders.  That still wasn’t enough so I grabbed the blanket.


He was not cold.  What?  “It’s fine in here,” he said.  “I think you might be getting sick.”  So I took my temperature because I often get chills before a fever sets in.  Nope.  My temperature was very low.  “No wonder I’m cold!” I complained to him.  “I’m degrees cooler than normal.”


Unwilling to even unwrap from my cocoon, I asked him to bring me the warm hat he had gotten for me as a Christmas present.  When I pulled it on he said, “Gimme that phone of yours.  I gotta get a picture of this because it’s a first!  You have to write a blog about this!”


I usually don’t respond so quickly to requests, especially his, but this time I’m making an exception.  Since my vanity flew out the door in this format years ago, I figured why not.  I am who I am and last night I was COLD!


That’s why I’m grateful for sweatshirts, shawls, blankets and hats!  If Himself is nice to me I’ll let him borrow them because I’m too hot today so everything is back to status quo!  “Hey!  Get away from that thermostat!”

Mary Mooney

From cranking hair in my Midwestern town of Sheboygan, Wisconsin, to eastern Pennsylvania, to three years writing for large hotels in Jakarta, Indonesia, humor has been my constant.

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One Response to Sweatshirts, Shawls, Blankets & Hats

  1. January 13, 2019 at 3:18 pm

    Glad you warmed back up, Mary! Keep up the good fight around the thermostat!

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