1. The human shall get up out of bed at whatever obscenely early hour the cat decides he/she is hungry. There are no exceptions.
2. The human shall not put the cat on a diet. The cat is free not to listen to the human when he/she declares, “You’re too fat. It isn’t healthy.”
3. The human shall feed the cat treats whenever the cat wants them, and the human shall not be stingy with said treats.
4. The human shall run the water in the bathtub whenever the cat wants a drink and wants to play with the drips.
5. The human shall never poke or, in any other way, annoy the cat when the cat is trying to sleep.
6. Any new cardboard box that is big enough to hold a cat belongs to the cat by right. The cat shall be allowed to take over the said box to use as a bed or hiding place.
7. The human shall allow the cat to pester him/her when it is dinner time, no matter what the human may be doing at the time.
8. The human shall never complain about “cat hair all over the place” or “damned hairballs.”
9. The human shall pet the cat whenever the cat wants to be petted and shall not try to pet the cat when the cat wants to be left alone.
10. The human is expected to learn all of the cat’s body language signals and act accordingly.