Sex on a Plane? No Thanks, I’ve Got Important Knitting To Do

I fly a lot. There’s nothing sexy about it.

And yet, according to one survey, 9% of Americans claim to have had a sexual encounter in an airplane seat, 17% in the airplane bathroom, 5% with a stranger on an airplane, and 3% with a crew member.

That implies that when I get on a plane, at least one of my fellow flyers will soon be making in-flight whoopie.

Who are these people?

Are there folks so randy that they can’t just take a break from sex long enough to fly to Seattle?

Is there something about zipping through the sky in a too-small seat in a big metal tube for hours and hours with a bunch of strangers that’s a turn-on?

Are some flyers taking the news that we’ve reached cruising altitude a bit too literally?

I get it — air travel gets boring. But that’s why there are complimentary beverages, and little bags of peanuts, and superhero movies to watch on the seatback screen.

Also — who would want to get it on in that tiny little bathroom?

I have never once closed the airplane bathroom door behind me, surveyed the toilet and sink and thought “Wow. Sexy! This room is made for hot hot love.”

Plus, there are other passengers who need to use that bathroom. As a bathroom. Not a sex playground.

Of course, you could always hang a little sign on the door:

If the airplane bathroom is rocking, don’t come knocking.

But the flight attendants would probably shut that down.

Unless, of course, they happen to be those crew members that 3% of flyers have sex with. In which case, they’d probably join in the fun.

How many Mile High Orgy Participants can fit in one airplane bathroom?

That’s one question I hope never to learn the answer to.

Meanwhile, if you’re a sexy stranger who ends up sitting next to me on my next cross country flight?

Conversation is fine.

Flirty conversation? Even better.

But offer to take me to sexual paradise in the nearest airplane bathroom and I’ll whack you upside the head with the in-flight magazine.

Sex in the sky? It’s not for me.

( Roz Warren  is the author of two collections of library and book-related humor, Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection of Library Humor, and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library, both of which would make great gifts for your favorite librarian or other bookish friend.)

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4 thoughts on “Sex on a Plane? No Thanks, I’ve Got Important Knitting To Do”

  1. Another delightfully funny piece, Roz! But as for that note on the bathroom door, neurotic flyers like me would probably read, “If the airplane bathroom is rocking, OH MY GOD! THE AIRPLANE IS ROCKING! ARE WE GONNA DIE? WHERE’S MY WORTHLESS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL?!”

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