In a class-action lawsuit filed today against the Modern Language Association of America, the Mollusk Legal Defense Fund (MLDF) alleges that the phrase “Happy as a Clam” has caused untold damage to the well-being of clams in the United States.
“This cheery description represents the worst kind of bivalve stereotyping,” asserts Todd Van Pellant, MLDF attorney. “Clams are among the most oppressed of all mollusks; they are literally torn from their native mud and slaughtered for the sake of the human palate. Are they supposed to be happy about that? Are they supposed to be happy that the word ‘clammy’ is always used to depict a disgusting physical sensation? This rank hypocrisy is an abomination.”
Gerald Bivens, owner of Shucky’s Happy-as-a-Clam Shack in Gloucester, Massachusetts, is taking the lawsuit in stride: “Everyone needs to calm down. Let’s keep in mind that we’re talking about clams here. It’s not like they’re shrimp.”