Protests Follow Alabama Governor’s Decision to Keep Mask Mandate in Place for the Unattractive

Alabama Governor Kay Ivey announced yesterday that only ugly residents of her state will be required to wear face masks after April 9th. 

“I believe this is a reasonable compromise,” said the Governor.  “Encountering beauty as we battle the pandemic can only enhance our collective quality of life.  We should not undermine this fragile state of well-being by exposing people to visages that are…..uh……well…..less than beautiful.  It’s only common sense.

“I have appointed a multiracial, multicultural task force that will review photographs of every resident of our state above the age of 12 to determine who must remain masked.  Their work will be part of our ‘LICKING COVID, LOOKING GOOD’ campaign.”

Reaction from liberal groups across the state has been swift and severe.  “This is beyond outrageous,” claims Lydia Wicks-Drendell, Executive Director of the Alabama chapter of the ACLU.  “We’ll see the Governor in court.”

Ivey is undaunted: “In a pandemic one has to make tough choices that serve the greater good.  Last night the task force ruled that I must continue to wear a mask.  Do I agree with their decision?  No, it’s very hurtful.  But I intend to abide by it.  I need to be a role model.”

The Alabama Association of Plastic Surgeons has promised to pay all legal fees associated with defending the Governor’s action. 



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