Under Pressure, Florida Representative Matt Gaetz Steps Down as Girl Scout Troop Leader

Immersed in an unsavory potpourri of allegations involving sexual impropriety, Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz resigned his position on Sunday as leader of Girl Scout Troop 171 in Pensacola. 

“I don’t want my current difficulties to distract people from the fine work being done by the girls in Troop 171,” an emotional Gaetz said at a hastily called press conference.

Sources within the Girl Scouts confirm that “irregularities” in Gaetz’s chapter are being investigated.  For example, the chapter office occupies the top three floors of a Single Room Occupancy hotel next to the bus station in downtown Pensacola.  Troop 171 claims to have netted over $870,000 in 2020 from the sales of Girl Scout cookies, even though an internal audit revealed that only three boxes of Thin Mints had been purchased.  Investigators are also concerned that the name of the chapter, as it appears on official stationery, is “The Harlettes,” and that virtually all troop members are between the ages of 22 and 34. 

As one high-ranking Girl Scout administrator put it, “something’s not right down there in Pensacola.”

Representative Gaetz ended the press conference by indicating that he hopes to serve the troop in other ways in the future, perhaps through Pucker, his portrait photography and video production studio.  “I want to do right by these young ladies,” he said.  “They deserve it.”

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