Bowing to intense lobbying pressure from southern California’s Body Positive movement, Governor Gavin Newsom signed an executive order on Sunday that makes clothes, as well as COVID masks, optional for all public school students in grades 9 through 12 in the state. The order takes effect on March 1st.
“The era of body shaming in California has come to an end,” Newsom announced. “What good does it do to be COVID-free if you’re terrified of the physical chalice that contains your soulful essence? Moreover, do you have any idea how many germs are present in the clothes you wear? Millions upon millions. When you shed these garments, you will shed your illnesses and afflictions as well.
“Our goal is to transform every high school in the Golden State into the Garden of Eden before the Fall. Come, join hands with me and my wife Jennifer, and let us walk towards the light of a shared, glorious, disease-free future.”