Responding to an epidemic of young, earnest singer-songwriters ruminating about their past relationships in interminable interviews on National Public Radio, the Food and Drug Administration has given Pfizer permission to market Silencia, the first vaccine that can reduce the craving to speak in public about the motivations behind one’s music.
“The development of Silencia is a win-win,” says FDA Acting Commissioner Janet Woodcock. “This medication does not interfere with an individual’s urgent desire to create or perform. It only depresses the yearning to talk about the origins of one’s songs in a manner that reflects an embarrassingly excessive level of self-absorption and imagined crisis.”
The vaccine has been endorsed by 2021 Kennedy Center Honoree Joni Mitchell. She told reporters that “this vaccine is a godsend. Things had gotten so bad recently that I had stopped listening to NPR.”
Pfizer expects Silencia to be available by prescription, in pill form, by summer 2022. It is recommended for all children, 10 years and older, who read non-rhyming poetry without being forced to.