Ivanka Trump Agrees to Testify Before Congressional Committee in Exchange for Supreme Court Annulling Her Marriage to Jared Kushner

The Select Committee investigating the January 6th insurrection at the U. S. Capitol scored a major victory yesterday when it announced that Ivanka Trump will turn state’s evidence against her father in order to facilitate a hasty exit from her marriage to Jared Kushner. 

Judicial experts have questioned whether the Supreme Court has the authority to annul the marriage, but Chief Justice John Roberts does not anticipate any problems:  “We’re the Supreme Court; we can do whatever the hell we want.  And Justice Amy Coney Barrett has volunteered to adopt the couple’s three children.  She’s a sweetheart.”

For her part, Ivanka says that she is “more than willing to let Justice Barrett raise the kids.  She seems like a nice lady.  I just want out.”

When asked by reporters to discuss the reasons for her marital dissatisfaction, Ms. Trump’s response was abrupt: “You’re kidding, right?  How much time do you have?”

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