Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about MLB contract agreements, doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Mountain Dew releasing a new flavor
If its target consumer is gay cowboys, might I suggest it be called ‘Brokeback Mountain Dew?’
Switzerland breaks neutrality, will freeze Russian assets in response to war in Ukraine
Damn, at this point, even Switzerland wants to kick Putin in the nuts.
Cuomo drops TV ad in hopes of comeback – ‘New Yorkers lost a proven leader’
Don’t they mean ‘hands on leader?!’
Ukrainian President Zelenskyy signs official application for EU membership
… but for really good deals on bulk purchases, perhaps he should try Costco.
Ron DeSantis yelled at students for wearing masks
Halloween at his house must be a bitch.
Google isn’t the only company requesting workers go back to the office
Don’t believe me …? Google it!
Oath Keepers leader whines in jailhouse interview that Trump abandoned him: ‘He needs to raise money for my legal defense’
Now that’s funny!
FItbit recalls 1.7 Million smartwatches after customers report burn injuries
… Bringing new meaning to the term ‘feel the burn.’
Rudy Giuliani picking a beef with Eminem
So, it’s ‘Slim Shady’ vs. ‘Not So Slim and Really Shady.’
Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet are reportedly giving their marriage a second chance
Don’t be a hater; it’s not like any of us had a chance!
Putin claims troops in Ukraine are ‘Peacekeepers’
Some Republicans disagree saying they’re tourists.
Aaron Rodgers and Shailene Woodley are reportedly exploring getting back together
When asked on a 1 – 10 scale the chances. Rodgers stomped his foot 8 times.
Biden says that every Russian asset in America will be frozen
… look for them to turn the AC up super-high at Mar-a-Lago …