Texas Will Allow Toddlers to Stay Home Alone if They Have a Firearm

A critical shortage of qualified day-care providers in Texas has prompted Governor Greg Abbott to take dramatic action.  On October 1st, Texas will become the first state in the nation where parents can leave babies and toddlers at home alone for up to 12 consecutive hours, as long as the children are provided with a loaded gun to protect themselves from intruders.

“We’re trying to be creative here,” says Abbott.  “In today’s economy many day-care centers can’t afford to pay their staff a living wage, so positions are going unfilled and facilities are closing.  And the ones that manage to remain open typically end up with waiting lists a mile long. 

“Let’s be honest.  People leave their cats at home for days at a time without any problem, so why can’t we do the same thing for a much shorter period of time with small children?  You just need to make sure they have a weapon nearby in case someone breaks into the house.

“I’m not talking about giving them an AR-15 or anything like that.  That would be foolish.  But what’s wrong with toddlers having a derringer, a tiny little pistol they can actually hold, aim, and shoot?  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.  As my grandma used to say, ‘the only thing that stops a bully from stealing a baby’s plush toy is a baby with a gun’. 

“Problem solved.”

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